


Morgan Le Fay

by CarverTwain



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dreams and Nightmares, Gen, Magic Revealed, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Merlin, POV Morgana
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-15 02:51:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11221743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarverTwain/pseuds/CarverTwain
Summary: (Early Magic Reveal (Series 1) AU) After Merlin saves Arthur from Sophia, he almost tells Morgana his secret. She has powers just like him. She's like him, right? But as Gaius reminds him: "No one's like you, Merlin." So when Morgana helps Merlin save a young druid boy from death, the truth begins hammering for a way out. Does Merlin care for Morgana, or just his own loneliness?





	1. Master and Apprentice

Prologue

* * *

Morgana knocked at the physician's chamber door and entered without waiting for an answer. The name "Gaius" was on the tip of her tongue when Gaius himself beat her to it.

"Morgana." The old healer smiled and inclined his head, standing next to his work table, herbs in hand.

Morgana smiled back, noticing that they were not alone, that Merlin sat at the smaller table. She smiled at him too.

"I've had some troubled nights."

Gaius' smile slid out of view and he turned back to his work. "I've prepared another draught for you. Have the dreams stoppped?" He asked.

Merlin was rubbing the back of his head. And Morgana saw little seeds and marrow still hanging and drying in his hair. She turned her eyes back to Gaius and shook her head. "Arthur told me what actually happened." Merlin looked up at her, eyes wide. They were blue. "You must have hit him round the head really hard." She pulled a smirk at Merlin.

"Yeah." The boy answered. "I feel really bad about that."

Ha! Morgana doubted he did. If it had been her, she would have relished the opportunity to humble the great Arthur. But Gaius was pushing a small bottle into her hand now.

"Here you are." He patted her shoulder. "Remember, every night just before you go to sleep."

She forced a smile and thanked him and left the small, dim room.

As Morgana walked across the courtyard, the bottle seemed to burn into her hand. Sleep was something allowed to all beings great and small. It was something so ubiquitous. And yet it was denied to her. And when she did finally succumb to exhaustion, when she actually got some rest, horrible things showed themselves to her. Night after night.

Someone was calling her name. She craned her neck back, looking into the crowd.

"Lady Morgana!"

She spotted him, Merlin, running after her.

Morgana could not remember, had she set something down and left it in Gaius' chambers?

Merlin finally stumbled within speaking distance of her. By the gods, he was always tripping over something. It seemed to be his default manner of locomotion. He was panting and clutching the back of his head. Strange. Morgana finally found her words.

"Did I forget something, Merlin?" She watched his eyes, which were flitting everywhere, until they finally met hers. Strange.

Merlin shook his head and predictably winced. "I just wanted…" He began, seeming to search for words too.

They had been staring at each other awkwardly for a half a minute or so now. Well, Morgana felt that it had become awkward. But as Merlin was looking at her he suddenly became very pale. So much so that Morgana was worried the boy was about to be ill, or fall over, or something awful.

"I just wanted…" Merlin repeated.

And now Merlin was staring at a spot behind her. Morgana took a quick look around. Nothing. She sighed. She opened her mouth to apologize and politely excuse herself.

"Just wanted…t-to say that I hope that the draught works for you, for the nightmares I mean!" He stuttered the slurred the whole thing out, staring daggers at the ground beneath their feet.

Morgana smiled. By the gods, all this way, all this effort, just to tell her that? But it was nice. Besides, he cared enough to run all this way.

"Oh." She drew on her manners. "Well, thank you. I hope so too." She began to pull away, hoping to end this little encounter soon. "I must go…" She began.

"Yes, sorry!" Merlin stuttered out. "Me too." And he was off like a shot. Back to Gaius' chambers, she suspected.

Morgana entered the castle. The day felt a little less dim now.

* * *

Morgana stepped outside and the door thumped closed behind her.

Merlin picked a seed of some unfortunate marrow from his hair and flicked it after her, imagining that the door flew open and that Morgana flew back inside. It would be so easy… He could just bring her back and spout off the words that had been hammering against his clenched teeth earlier. Arthur almost died. Sophia was a Sidhe. I have magic. There. Done.

"She must never find out the truth." Gaius' voice broke through Merlin's thoughts.

He turned to the old man. "Why not?" Merlin pulled himself to his feet, any movement rattled his sore head a little, but he was getting used to the throb. "She had a premonition that helped save Arthur's life." If anything, it would be best to tell her, so she would understand what was happening.

A few more worry lines appeared on Gaius' forehead. "And it could have cost her her own. If Uther ever found out, things would never be the same again. It must remain a secret."

Too many secrets. "Is she like me?"

He could just blast the door apart. He could. "Can she use magic?"

"No one's like you, Merlin."

He looked back at Gaius and knew the old man didn't mean it like it felt to Merlin.

Merlin swallowed back that small pain. "But she has the gift?"

Gaius sat down at the small table, having eyes only for the herbs and potions there. "For her sake, I hope not." And that was that.

But Merlin didn't feel the same. Another person, like him. Someone else just as confused and scared and lost. Whatever kinship he had first felt with Morgana, it was growing unchecked. Usually he was good at tamping that down. It wasn't safe to want that kind of connection. Nothing was safe for him. But she would understand that. She would understand.

He heard himself mumble something about an errand or two and slipped outside. He broke into jog, looking about the courtyard. He spotted Morgana slipping deeper into the castle.

Merlin sped up.

"Morgana!" He called. "Um, Lady Morgana!" He corrected himself when heads turned.

And she turned around too. Saw it was him. And there was a smile. Just for him.

Merlin skittered to a halt before her, head throbbing.

"Did I forget something, Merlin?" Eyes searching out his.

Is she like me?

Merlin shook his head. "I just wanted…"

Too many secrets.

He could tell her right now. And it would be out. It would be done with.

I have magic.

"I just wanted…" Merlin repeated.

No one's like you, Merlin.

And unbidden, before his eyes, floated the face of his mother, terrified of her son. Terrified and afraid of what he was, of what his future would be, of whether he was a monster. And all of Gaius' worries and warnings and stories of those led to the stake or the chopping block. What was he? And suddenly he was staring into Lady Morgana's green eyes and the last thing he wanted was for them to look anything like the eyes of his mother or Gaius. The people who knew. The people before whom he was laid so bare.

"Just wanted…t-to say that I hope that the draught works for you, for the nightmares I mean." He felt shame push his head down and nail his eyes to the cobblestones that paved the ground.

No one's a coward like you, Merlin.

"Oh." She smiled again. "Well, thank you. I hope so too." Lady Morgana started to turn, the dark circles under her eyes made clear. "I must go…"

No one's a liar like you, Merlin.

"Yes, sorry!" Merlin stuttered out. "Me too."

No one's a monster like you, Merlin.

And he dashed away. Back to the physician's chambers. Back to the darkness.

* * *

Morgana sat up, drawing a deep breath and coughing, almost gagging. The room was dark. She was in bed. Yes, good. She was in her chambers. She was safe. Morgana waited until her breathing slowed down a little and laid back onto her pillows. The blankets were damp with her sweat, uncomfortably so. She kicked them off.

Had she taken the draught? She could not remember.

The embers of the long dead fire did not do much to illuminate the room. She reached out blindly to the table beside her bed. There. Her fingers closed around the small bottle. It was empty.

That didn't explain the nightmare. The draught was supposed to keep the terrors away.

The dream had started off as vividly as most. The faces of those she knew were painfully clear, like she could have reached out and touched them herself. But she could never do so, and it was not for lack of trying. In these dreams, she was locked into place, restrained. Like she was tied down and forced to watch.

The nightmare had been about Merlin. Which made sense, she had spoken to his recently, so he was fresh in her mind.

In the dream, she could see him sitting on the floor of what must be his small room in Gaius' chambers. His knees were drawn to his chest and his head was down. All she could see what that mop of mess, black hair. And the noise! It had started small. A whisper. A single word. But slowly, repeating, it had grown louder and louder and louder.

A single word.

"Emrys."

Merlin seemed to twitch.

Morgana had been so close she could have reached out and touched his shoulder. And she would have. She could feel something from him. Something was wrong. He seemed wrong.

"Emrys." A high-pitched voice, stressing the syllables, afraid. Someone was afraid.

The boy sitting there twitched again, body quivering. Was he crying?

"Emrys!"

It was becoming unbearable.

"Emrys!"

Morgana desperately wanted to clap her hands over her ears. But she could not. She could only listen.

"EMRYS!" The screech. The wailing. A rushing of wind.

Merlin's head snapped up.

Morgana felt a jolt. And her heart skipped.

His eyes blazed with gold, tears shining in the light. He showed his teeth, clenched and snarling.

It was there that she had been thrown into consciousness. Morgana shook her head slowly, yet the images still remained. She could not be rid of them. It had been so frightening. And so real.

Perhaps… Perhaps she could tell Gaius of this dream. Or Merlin. Having someone to confide in would be nice. She smiled and closed her eyes.

* * *

Chapter 1: Master and Apprentice

* * *

They had tarried too long in this city. In the pit of his stomach, Cerdan could feel something was wrong. The echoes of it had been following them since they first arrived in Camelot a few hours ago and grew stronger as time passed. The sooner they left the city, the better. Cerdan looked down at the young boy, whose hand was clasped in his, and tried to smile when Mordred beamed up at him.

"Do we have to leave?" The boy, swung their hands back and forth as the two Druids slithered through the crowds of the Lower City. "Everything…everything is pretty here."

The boy didn't know how wrong he was.

The child continued. "Look, Cerdan, a- Uh, sorry. Master Cerdan, there's a juggler and tumblers."

"I see them." Cerdan stared across the market stalls, looking for the merchant he had spoken with some weeks earlier.

"I'm sorry."

Cerdan felt the boy's small hand leave his. He turned around, heart racing. The child's large, blue doleful eyes stared up at him.

"I keep forgetting." The boy hung his head.

"What?" Cerdan reached down and took the boy's hand again before having another look into the crowd that surrounded them.

"About…that…I forget-"

Cerdan sighed. He was still unclear on what it meant to be someone's master. He knew what it was to be an apprentice. But this? Cerdan kneeled down. He laid his hands on the child's shoulders. "Mordred, it's new to me too." He gave his apprentice a smile. He tried to remember how his own master had treated him.

Mordred smiled back, eyes shining. The boy was on the brink of tears.

Cerdan nodded. "But I am not your owner, I am your teacher. You are here to learn from me, understand?"

Mordred nodded too.

Cerdan reached out and wiped the boy's face with his sleeve. "Now, we are going to get our supplies and leave as soon as we can. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

Cerdan stood up and took his apprentice's hand again. "Now, where is that- ah!" He spotted the merchant. "Come on." And he pulled Mordred through the crowd to the merchant's stall. They finally drew close enough. "Do you have my supplies ready? We must leave the city without delay." The waves of wrongness were breaking over Cerdan's head and his heart made vibrations through his whole body. He felt Mordred stiffen beside him, as he understood that his master was uneasy. All Cerdan wanted to do was grab their things and run. Just to leave this cursed place.

The merchant nodded. "Everything you asked for, it's all here." He held out the small pouch.

The merchant was staring down at his stall table as he spoke, but lifted his eyes to Cerdan's on his final words. The world tilted sharply.

"I'm sorry." The merchant whispered.

Cerdan felt the guards before he saw them. The heavy armor hitting the stones with each stop, the clank of weapons hanging at their sides, it was a cacophony, even in the busy marketplace. They were approaching from the right and the left. Cerdan pushed Mordred down and pulled the apprentice along as he crawled under the merchant's table and out the other side. Gripping Mordred's hand, Cerdan ran as fast as he could with the small boy stumbling behind him.

It was no use. The guards were so close behind.

Why had he ignored the wrongness? Cerdan's own master had told him that feeding the feelings he had, the anxiety and the gloom, would only make them come true even more. As best as he could, Cerdan would always try to ignore the dread. And now… He should have listened to it. But they needed the supplies. And he had Mordred to think of. How could he have known?

Cerdan stopped to pull a bunch of baskets and other refuse across the market path, to block the guards. It slowed them a little. Cerdan ducked down a few more side streets, Mordred clinging to his hand for dear life. Guards blocked their path again. Cerdan dashed towards the castle grounds. There had to be another way out. There had-

A soldier leapt at them, sword flashing. Mordred screamed.

Cerdan could feel it vibrate through his whole body. It felt like a lightning strike. And Mordred was falling.

No, no no! He picked up his young apprentice and threw his hand out towards the soldier. The armored man flew back and hit the stone wall behind. How dare he. How dare he strike a child!

Jaw clenched, Cerdan turned away from the guard, though every fiber in his being was asking him to kill the man, take him apart piece by piece. He took Mordred's hand again and tried to make for the gate to the inner castle. Cerdan stumbled. He looked back. Mordred was half-fainting, sinking to the ground. No! The thunder of more guards, their feet hitting the stones, coming closer and closer. No way out.

Cerdan reached to the heavy gate, gripping it as tight as he could with his will. It began to close, slowly.

Mordred.

The master fell to his knees and held the child upright.

My apprentice.

"Run."

The boy wouldn't budge. He just stared down at his master. Cerdan could feel the pain radiating off him. And the fear.

"Run!"

It's new to me too.

The guards were coming.

I am your teacher.

Cerdan pushed Mordred towards the closing gate. "Run!"

And the master watched his apprentice disappear behind the doors.

* * *

It struck Merlin like a jarring, wrenching, bolt of lightning, feeding deep into the fiber of his being and gripping tight.

A scream.

He turned around, heart racing like he'd just sprinted around the castle several times. Nothing. Nothing was there. Hand shaking, he ran his fingers through his hair. Where had it come from? And who would scream like that? Merlin felt the color draining from his face, his lips tingling. The noise must have really startled him. He had jumped, certainly, but he didn't usually feel like he was about keel over and die whenever he was surprised by something. Hell, half his life had been surprises. Now would be a bad time to start jumping at shadows and loud noises and falling down in a dead faint. He wouldn't last a week here in Camelot with that kind of constitution.

Merlin drew in a breath and rubbed his chest. Gaius was expecting him soon. He started walking again.

It was well into spring and he was due to help Gaius gather herbs from the meadows and forest nearby, just outside the city. He turned down another hall and up some more stairs. Who had screamed? It had been so close, as though someone had shrieked right into Merlin's ear.

To be fair though, Merlin, nothing that happens to you is entirely normal. It's not like something like this is terribly abnormal.

He frowned and nodded at his own comment.

Besides, you talk to yourself all the time. Maybe you screamed at yourself? Idiot. I bet you did.

Merlin wouldn't put it past himself to accidentally do that somehow.

He finally entered the main corridor.

"Help!"

Welp, that definitely wasn't him.

Merlin stopped and peered around the corridor. No one. Again, no one was nearby. And yet, it sounded as though someone were speaking right next to him, right into his ear. Again! Maybe he was going insane. Merlin strode outside and out into the courtyard. Where was that voice coming from? He wandered down the stone stairs.

"Help me."

Merlin faltered. There it was again. He searched the people passing.

"PLEASE"

Merlin winced. His head felt like it was vibrating with that one word. He looked around wildly. Left, right, it didn't look like anyone was calling for help here. They were all going about their business, as usual, like they couldn't hear the-

Merlin's gaze was pulled to a small figure, collapsed beside a stone ledge and swathed in a green, hooded cloak, all the way across the courtyard. But… But Merlin just knew the person was staring hard at him. He stared back.

"Please. You have to help me."

Yes. Yes, this was where the voice was coming from, that little boy sitting there, looking very much like a crumpled leaf in his large cloak. But how? How could he hear these words and no one else? Perhaps…

And when it occurred to Merlin, the idea almost felt physical and he almost staggered back. Only he could hear the boy. Because the boy wasn't calling to anyone for help. He was calling to Merlin for help…somehow. He's calling to my ears only, or my thoughts, Merlin reasoned. One mind, to another. Strange…

"Help me."

Merlin was locked onto the boy's eyes. And time stood still, if only for a moment. Because Merlin soon noticed the several guards and soldiers that were fanning out over the courtyard, helms gleaming. They were searching. They were looking for a boy.

"They're searching for me."

Merlin felt his eyes being dragged back to the boy in the green cloak. So he tried something. He sent the words out into the ether instead of opening his mouth and voicing them. It felt like he was speaking underwater. And he pushed the words towards the young boy.

"Why are they after you?" Merlin took a step forward.

"They're going to kill me."

The soldiers were leaving the courtyard now, looking somewhere else. They were distracted. Merlin watched them, each was turning away now, and each looking the other way. Where could the boy hide? Merlin scanned the courtyard, heart beginning to pound just thinking about what he was going to do. The stupid thing that he was definitely going to do, because how could he not? There! A small doorway! Merlin headed to it. Just wedged between the stairs he was on and the wall of the castle. He could take the boy in there, hide him, then… then what? He didn't know.

This really wasn't the time for knowing, honestly.

Merlin ducked into the doorway that led to into the castle, watching the guard giving the orders. The man was still scanning the courtyard. Merlin bit his lip. He looked to the boy. The boy was still there, hiding behind the ledge. Finally, the guard turned away. Finally!

Merlin beckoned to the boy. "This way." He sent the message out.

The boy didn't move.

The guard's back was still turned, but for how long? Merlin felt sweat beginning to prickle on his forehead. He waited. The boy didn't move.

"Run." Merlin called out. He had almost opened his mouth and shouted it, but caught himself in time.

Hesitation. He saw it.

"Run!" He shoved the words out.

And the boy shakily got to his feet and began to run, clutching his arm. The cloak flowed out behind him. And the head guard turned around. Merlin's heart rang like a gong through his chest. The guard shouted, calling to his men. Run, Merlin willed the boy, run!

"There he is!" Shouts rang out over the courtyard.

Merlin slid back into the doorway little, trying to hide from sight. No one could see him doing this. If they did, well… He wasn't sure what would happen, but it probably wasn't good. Probably some time in the stocks, or worse, depending on what crime the boy had committed. The boy was closer now. So close. Almost close enough.

Feet pounded, the guards were centering in on the stumbling, small boy.

And then there he was before Merlin, panting, pale, and terrified. Merlin took his hand. Small, in his own hand. And Merlin ran.

They tore up the Griffin Stairway and into the main hall. Merlin peered around. Guards's voices came from in front of them. Calls of "Quick!" and "Down there!"

Trapped! Trapped and no where to go. Merlin wasn't sure what he had expected, but he should have expected this. And now he may have made things worse. He didn't know what-

There! The curved staircase. He yanked the boy up the stairs and picked the first door he saw. Opened it. Pulled the boy in. And slammed it closed again, holding the boy close to his chest. He was quivering like a small bird. Merlin turned around.

"Have you forgotten how to knock, Merlin!?"

Damn.


	2. By Sword or Hammer

"Sometimes, I wish I did not have this body."

"My Lady?"

"This is just awful." Morgana curled up on her side and sighed, staring down at Gwen who sat on the stone floor with a basin of bloody water and a pile of stained rags. A twinge flared and she squeezed her eyes shut. "Bloody awful!"

"My Lady!" Gwen gasped. A small splash.

"Well, it is!" Morgana cracked one eye and met her maid's stare. "It is bloody and it is awful."

"Yes, well…" Gwen looked back down to the basin and continued scrubbing.

"Admit it, it is terrible."

Gwen smiled up at Morgana before looking back down to her work again. She nodded. "It can be difficult."

"Ugh!" Morgana rolled herself onto her back and looked up at the ceiling. "Take away this body and give me a new one… preferably not a woman's again."

"What would you be if not a woman?" Morgana held her maid ringing out one of the cloths.

Morgana eyed the ceiling, taking in the cracks and the stones that had been there for so long. "I suppose I would be a man."

"Would you?"

"Yes."

She heard Gwen's skirts rustling as the other woman got up, footsteps leading to the fire. Pot clanked. Water poured.

Morgana dreaded the infusion. "Must I drink that bitter stuff again?"

Gwen appeared in her field of vision, standing over her, with a steaming cup in her hand. The maid smirked.

Then she spoke. "If you were a man, my lady, you would still have to use this herb from time to time."

Morgana sat up and took the cup. It was, despite the expected bad taste, pleasantly warm in her hand. "Why?"

Gwen settled back down with her washing. "Well…" She stared down at the stone floor and seemed to think for a moment. "It is also called 'soldiers woundwort'. It is good for wounds that bleed, and for your spasms."

"Yarrow is?"

"Yes."

"Mmm." Morgana took a lip sip from her cup. Ugh, bitter, but necessary. Still, she pulled a face. "So if I were a man…" And she took another sip, puzzling the idea out because it intrigued her. Ladies were not asked to think things through. Ladies were not asked much. "If I was, I would be a soldier?"

"Oh." Gwen looked up from her washing, hands dripping. "My lady, that's not what I meant, really-"

"No, no." Morgana shrugged. "I think you may be right, actually. My only skills that I could use as a man would be my practice with the sword."

"You have plenty of other skills." Gwen had stood up by now and was laying the rags out to dry on a little rack by the fireplace.

Morgana took another sip of the stupid bitter drink that was supposed to drive her spasms away but it was doing nothing and she wished now that she had been wounded in battle because anything would be better than this hell! She sighed and set the cup down on the little table by her bed.

"Such as? Singing?" Ha, her singing was dreadful. Arthur had told her so on many occasions. Though she did not much value his opinion on the matter anyway. "Dancing? Riding?"

Gwen turned to face her, poker in hand. "You know your letters and sums."

"True." Morgana nodded. "But who would pay me to read, write, or do sums?"

"Someone, I suppose." Gwen smiled.

"Pah!"

"Needlepoint and spinning?"

Morgana rolled her eyes and laid back down on her bed. "You have seen my spinning, Gwen. I spend one day spinning and the next untangling it." She stretched out, then another wave of cramping forced her to curl up again. "Curse this, curse it all." She grunted and squeezed her eyes closed. "I wish I was a man, that I was a soldier, and that I had been wounded, rather than this. Wounds on the battlefield heal and this wound inside of me never will!"

A moment passed and she felt Gwen's cool hand on her cheek, pulling hair out of her face and smoothing it back. "I'm sorry it troubles you so, my lady, if you would just finish your drink-"

Morgana sighed and she put her hand to Gwen's, holding it. "I know. Talk to me, distract me…"

"What should I say?"

"I do not know… What kinds of skills do you have that you could make a living from? If you were a man, I suppose?"

Gwen's fingers disappeared from Morgana's grip and were soon pushing the hot drink into Morgana's hand again. "I don't think I would want to be a man, my lady."

"Well, then, what do you know how to do? Tell me."

Dishes and silverware clinked. Gwen was cleaning up from breakfast an hour or so ago. "I am a maid. I know how to do that."

Morgana smiled. "And a very good maid at that."

"Thank you, my lady"

"What else?" And Morgana braved sitting up again and took a gulp from her hot drink. She shuddered at the bitterness.

"I know a little about blacksmithing."

That was interesting; a daughter learning her father's trade. "Do you, Gwen?"

"Yes, I have watched my father quite a bit. And," Morgana felt the maid's weight on the side of the bed beside her. "He let me try making nails and other small things. When I was a child," And Gwen began rubbing small circles into Morgana's lower back. "And when I was upset with my father, I would say that I was running away to become a blacksmith just like him." And Morgana heard the girl laugh softly. "I had a little hammer that father gave to me, a small one for a child, and I had planned on taking it every time. I'd wrap it up in a little handkerchief with a sweet cake for my rations."

Morgana sighed and smiled. Gwen's hands were firm and helped with the spasms. And the image of a tiny Gwen with a hammer in one hand and a sweet cake in the other was very precious. "Do you still plan on running away, one day?"

"No, my lady."

"Why not? We could have some perfectly lovely adventures." Morgana took a deep breath and braved another sip of her infusion of yarrow. "I should like to do it sometime."

Gwen was still rubbing her back. "I think it would be dangerous."

"Yes, that is the whole reason!" Morgana stood. Danger was the only reason for anything. Anything worth having, anything worth seeing, or anyone worth kissing… "There is no danger here in court save the rare stray needle that might prick my finger, or- or a funny-tasting strawberry!"

She was facing Gwen, who still sat on the bed, and the maid had a small smile on her lips. "Yes, my lady." She answered properly.

Of course her maid thought she was silly. Of course a lady of court would think that once she left the peerage behind she would have darling little adventures every day. But that was not what Morgana wanted. She had never wanted that. She just wanted something. And this? What she had now? This was nothing.

"I think-" Morgana felt herself pacing around the room now. "I think I should like to be a warrior or a leader of some sort."

"Like the king?"

"No!" Another spasm flared up in her abdomen. Morgana put her hand to her belly. "Well, yes… I don't know."

Gwen stood up from the bed. "I don't understand, my lady."

"Not like a king, Gwen. More like, instead of inheriting a kingdom, or marrying into one, I would prefer to earn it. Through my own strength and intelligence, earn the right rule over a people. Sometimes…" Cup in hand, she walked to the window. "I think about running away with a sword in my hand and the wits in my head and making my own way in the world. Instead of languishing in this tract plowed out for me."

"Really, my lady." Gwen had come beside her and put a hand on her shoulder. She sounded worried. But that was typical Gwen.

It had happened before, many times. Gwen called it one of her 'moods'. Morgana would start thinking out loud, really thinking, and all her thoughts would flow from her lips. It was so stimulating to think about something…anything! But it would scare Gwen. Sometimes, Gwen would smile and nod along with her. Sometimes she would duck her head and stay silent. Why could not Morgana have someone to talk to that was not scared of her? Was that so hard?

"Yes." Morgana answered firmly.

"It would be very dangerous." Perhaps Gwen thought Morgana was making plans. Perhaps Gwen thought Morgana intended to run away, and soon. Because the maid's voice was soft and small. But she did not leave Morgana's side as they talked. Morgana could feel that warm body beside her.

"Yes, it would." Morgana turned to her maid. "But do not worry, Gwen, I would protect you."

Gwen finally smiled again and lowered her eyes. "Would you dress as a man?"

Gwen was probably trying to lighten the mood, Morgana thought. She is a good girl and hates gloom.

Morgana smiled back. "No." She nodded and thought a moment more. "Since I cannot exchange this body for a more masculine one, I do not think I will abandon my sex altogether. No, let any of my enemies know that their opponent is a woman. And if that fact brings them shame, then they deserve that shame and the punishment I would dole out to those that challenged me."

"Sweet words, my lady." Gwen walked back to the table where the spent dishes from breakfast lay.

Morgana followed her. "You think?"

Gwen nodded. "I think you would make a formidable enemy." She set the dishes to the side.

Morgana took another sip of her drink and smirked.

A shout. Running. Quick steps.

The door to her chamber banged open and a blur rushed in. Morgana blinked. Merlin?

The boy slammed the door shut. He was holding a child swathed in a green cloak close to his chest. Both were very pale. Both looked terrified.

Good lord. What is it this time?

Morgana frowned. "Have you forgotten how to knock, Merlin!?"

Merlin looked straight at her. "The guards are after him. I didn't know what to do." Looked right through her. He spoke low and quick.

Morgana felt her gaze slide to the child. The boy looked up at her, unblinking. Morgana could not tear her eyes away. Gwen turned to Morgana, Morgana knew it, but she could not look away from the child in Merlin's arms. Something was there… Something…

"My Lady!"

Loud noises, from far away. Voices.

"My Lady!"

The child blinked and Morgana could suddenly hear the calls of the castle guard from the other side of her door. She started. She looked around. Where? Where could they- The alcove, behind the curtain. She pointed. "In there."

And Merlin took the child's hand and dashed to the alcove.

Morgana walked slowly to the door, making sure that Merlin had enough time to hide behind the curtain. She took a breath then opened the door. Several soldier stood outside the door.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, my Lady. We're searching for a young druid boy. We believe he came this way."

Morgana smiled. And she spoke. "I haven't seen anyone. It's just me and my maid." Me, my maid, Merlin, and apparently a Druid boy.

The soldier who had spoken nodded. "Best keep the door locked until we find him."

"Of course. Thank you."

The soldiers moved away. Morgana closed the door quickly and quietly and hurried back to the alcove. She yanked the curtain aside. Merlin sat on the floor with the boy in his lap. The child was pale and unmoving. And Merlin's hand was covered in blood. Morgana felt something strike at her heart. It beat faster. She looked to Gwen. The girl was terrified. And when Morgana turned her eyes back to the problem at hand, Merlin was there, watching her. She did not know what to do. They were looking at her and she did not have the foggiest idea of what to do. This was just awful.

 

* * *

 

"The Druid was only in Camelot to collect supplies. He meant no harm. Is it necessary to execute him?" Arthur had hesitated, but once he had opened his mouth the words had tumbled out. He did not see the need. It was useless bloodshed. And letting it happen made his insides swirl like a mess of snakes. But questioning the king, his father? Arthur surpassed a shudder. Would Uther think him weak?

The king answered immediately. "Absolutely necessary. Those who use magic cannot be tolerated." The final strokes were put down on the death warrant and the king put down his quill.

From what Arthur had heard, the Druids were less active sorcerers and more folk healers and people of strange beliefs. Strange, but harmless beliefs. He tried again, testing the waters. "The Druids are a peaceful people."

The king picked up his cup, staring Arthur in the eye. "Given the chance, they would return magic to the kingdom."

Arthur looked down to the table. He did not agree. But he could already feel his king's disappointment in him.

Uther set his cup down and walked around the table, walking away. "They preach peace, but conspire against me. We cannot appear weak."

Weak? Weakness was a blind hate. Weakness was lashing out at any threat without understanding it. What happened to the lessons of discipline and intelligence that he had learned at his father's knee? Were they just all speech and no practice? Arthur almost bit his tongue off. He could not hold it back.

"Showing mercy can be a sign of strength." Arthur threw it out there, let it hang in the air between them.

The king wheeled around to Arthur again. "Our enemies will not see it that way. We have a responsibility to protect the kingdom. Executing the Druid will send out a clear message. Find the boy. Search every inch of the city."

Whatever his trepidation was, his father did not see it. Arthur felt his insides shrivel a little. Either he incurred wrath, or his opinions just bounced off that cold exterior. And there was no telling what it would be. Anger or ignorance. He sighed and followed his father. The castle guard needed orders and he needed to do his job.

Maybe if he had been born different, had a different face, maybe he would make a difference. But no matter. He bit his lip. Keep moving forward.


	3. White Lie

It struck Merlin that he had seen something very similar on his first day in Camelot. A crowd of people surrounding a chopping block and a single man standing at the center of it all. Standing tall, hands bound behind his back, and the black hooded executioner looming nearby. It was like an evil memory come back to haunt him.

Swallowing hard and almost shaking, Merlin looked back at the Druid boy. He still lay in the alcove, cushioned by some bedding and blankets that Morgana and Gwen had gathered earlier. His head rested on the wall, staring. Staring so hard it made Merlin's chest grow tight. He had to turn back and look down to the square below again; somehow it was easier to look at the man about to die than to look the frightened child in the eye.

Morgana stood beside him. Watching with him. Something about her made it so that he could feel her there without even looking at her. Some kind of warmth radiating from her body. He'd never been this close to her before. He breathed in again. And out. Tried to shake off the thoughts that bounced around his head. Tried. Tried and failed.

He wanted to rage. He wanted to run. He wanted to cry.

Merlin watched as King Uther walked out onto his balcony and stood by the railing. The Prince stood close beside him.

And how did Arthur feel about all this?, Merlin wondered. Did he even care? Merlin supposed that after a while, the relentless march of executions must blend together.

The King began to speak. "People of Camelot, the man before you is guilty of using enchantments and magic. Under our law, the sentence for this crime is death. We're still searching for his accomplice."

Merlin could feel the boy's eyes boring into the back of his head. He glanced at the child again. Still, those pale blue eyes. Merlin turned back to the scene below while the King continued his speech.

"Anyone found harboring the boy is guilty of conspiracy and will be executed as a traitor."

He knew it. He knew she was looking at him. He knew he shouldn't. He shouldn't.

Merlin met Morgana's eyes. He regretted it. She looked to be on the brink of crying.

"Let this serve as a warning to your people." The King finished with that useless message. A warning that everyone already knew. A warning that was written in his own fear and the deaths of many innocents. A warning. Less a warning and more like a tragedy.

From below, the Druid spoke up. Merlin could only just make out what he said. "You have let your fear of magic turn to hate." The Druid's gaze was fixed dead on the King. Merlin glanced between the two a few times. "I pity you." The Druid spoke calmly. No malice. No hate. Just resignation. Merlin could taste it in the air.

"I can't watch this." Morgana twisted away. Walked away. She moved back into the room. Merlin felt that warmth disappear as she left.

He shifted from one foot to the other. He saw the King raise his hand and the hooded man forced the Druid to his knees, head and neck stretched across the chopping block. The same way his mother held a chicken there when he had swung the axe as a boy in Ealdor. He had hated that. He had hated that part of home so much. But now? Right now he'd give anything, even the head of a chicken, many chickens, in order to save this man.

Was this his fault? Was he the same as the executioner for hiding, being safe, and doing nothing? Was he responsible for this death too? He had magic. He knew this man was no threat to Camelot. Why couldn't he go out there and save him?

The axe swung.

Why couldn't he do something?

The axe fell.

It struck him.

_NO!_

Shattering.

A shock, crackling, like lightning in his chest and stomach. He felt it. He felt the voice.

A voice that echoed Merlin's own pain.

Merlin opened his eyes. Morgana's mirror was shattered.

The boy was staring at him again. He could feel it. Merlin felt sick.

* * *

"Do you know much about the Druids?"

For the last half hour or so, Merlin had been opening and closing his mouth as Gaius worked on a remedy nearby, working himself up to ask that question. The execution had left him shaking. Gaius had given him something to eat, but honestly, eating was the last thing he wanted to do right now. Now, he just wanted to fix things as best as he could. He had to start somewhere.

"Very little." Gaius answered. "They're a secretive people. Especially now they're being hunted by Uther." Then Gaius looked up suddenly from what he was writing. "Merlin, please tell me you haven't gotten yourself mixed up in this." He had a single eyebrow half-cocked and a sour look on his face.

No, he wasn't mixed up in it. He was the center of it. He was the very blessed catalyst! But Gaius did  _not_  need to know that.

Merlin frowned back at Gaius. "Me? No. Mixed up in what?" He shook his head slightly.

Gaius approached him, brandishing his quill like some sort of sword, pointing it at Merlin. "For someone with such a big secret, you are a terrible liar."

"Well, I haven't done anything." Merlin tried to look as innocent as possible. Relaxed body, face blank, deny everything.

No, he hadn't done anything…he had done  _everything_.

Gaius stared down at him a moment. "Merlin." He did not look angry, just worried, almost frightened. Those lines in his face made it clear. The man appeared older.

Merlin crumbled a little. He wanted to tell Gaius everything. The boy's voice, Morgana's help, the execution, the mirror. Everything. It was like a wave that crashed against his defenses, desperate to be released. Just needed someone to talk to. Someone to tell. Merlin swallowed hard.

"I heard the boy calling out." He began. Couldn't say everything. Just some things. "He was nowhere to be seen, but I could hear him, like he was inside my mind." He pointed to his temple. Not only had the boy spoke within his mind, the boy's screams had echoed through his body, shaking loose his heart, threatened him with some kind of insanity he did not quite understand. If he had to listen to that scream again…well, he was afraid of it. It shook him to the core.

"Yes, I've heard of this ability." Gaius nodded a little. He seemed to relax. "The Druids look for children with such gifts to serve as apprentices. While they're searching for this boy," and Gaius fixed Merlin with an intense stare from underneath his brows. "You must be especially careful otherwise it'll be your head on the chopping block."

How many times had Merlin imagined just that? Sometimes, it felt like he was just putting off that inevitability. Delaying that eventual event.

Merlin smiled through it, through the image of his head rolling. "I'm always careful. You know me."

"Yes, Merlin," And Gaius pointed the quill pen menacingly at Merlin again. "Unfortunately I do."

The physician walked back to his work table but not before giving Merlin another suspicious look.

* * *

The guards were searching everyone leaving through the gates of Camelot. Merlin stopped a moment to watch a guard shove a pitchfork into a wagon full of straw. He felt himself instinctively shrink back. Merlin shuddered to think what would happen if there was actually someone in there. Clutching the bread and cheese he had filched from the kitchens, Merlin moved on from the courtyard and ducked into the cool darkness of the castle corridors. As he walked, he mentally crossed off the main castle gates as a method of escape. Yes. That was definitely not an option now. What else could he do? What other routes? He was frowning as he walked, he knew it. Someone asked him something. He just hurried on. He bumped into someone else, and then another, but he barely noticed. Briefly, the image of him leaving the city with the boy clinging to his back appeared in his mind's eye. With a huge cloak…it might look fine. He could say he was a hunchback. Yes… Yes! No. That was a terrible idea.

Merlin sighed.

The problem with that particular idea was that the guards all knew him rather well. And they all liked him too. They made sure to say hello to him at any opportunity. Damn his winning personality and brilliant people skills! He allowed himself a small smile at this thought. At least he amused himself. But moving on. He had to think of a solution, and fast, or else Gaius may put him to death before the King could even have a chance.

He took the stairs up to Lady Morgana's chambers two at a time. Knocked on the door softly.

"Yes?" Morgana's voice came warm and fuzzy through the thick wooden door.

"Delivery from the kitchens." Merlin answered. It was what they agreed upon Merlin saying when he made it back to the chambers safe and undetected.

The door was flung open and Morgana stood aside for Merlin to enter, her eyes on the stone floor and her hand still gripping the door. He noticed her knuckles were white.

Merlin swallowed hard and watched her close and latch the door again. "How is he?" He asked, setting the bread and cheese on the table.

Morgana led the way back to the alcove. "He's sleeping." Her words were short and clipped. Something she did when stressed. Of course she's stressed, idiot. "He's very pale." Morgana looked back at Merlin briefly, eyeing him, as if he had answers. "I worry he may have lost a lot of blood." And she pulled the curtain aside a little for Merlin to see.

He studied the sleeping boy, covered in a sheen of sweat and very pale. A druid. Someone like him. Someone with magic. He had to save him. He had to. Merlin felt his heartbeat quicken and knew that Morgana was looking up at him. Watching him. Could she read it on his face?

He nodded slightly. "Has he said anything at all?"

"Nothing." Morgana looked to the druid boy, then to Merlin again. Like he had the answers. He didn't. "He won't even tell me his name."

Her eyes were intense and thick, like swimming through some kind of syrup. Merlin scratched his head, just for an excuse to look away, and leaned back on the wall of the alcove. Why was she helping the boy anyway? And why was she helping him? Him, of all people. He knew that she did not understand what secrets he kept, what burdens he bore, but her act of kindness almost felt like a game, like she was toying with him. Playing tricks on his mind. Maybe there was some way to ask… "You know, er, for a moment there," He began, and smiled a little, trying to find the words. She was difficult to talk to. "I- I thought you were going to hand us over to the guards."

Morgana's brow darkened and she bristled. "I'm glad you have so much faith in me, Merlin." She said his name like an insult.

"No, no, sorry." Merlin shook his head. She had misunderstood. She had misunderstood and now he was making everything worse. He closed his eyes. He had to say the right words. He had to step carefully here. "Um, I meant, you're the King's ward." Merlin opened his eyes. She was looking at him again. Big, green eyes. He met them. Did not look away. "You're taking a huge risk helping the boy."

You're taking a huge risk helping me, he wanted to say.

Morgana seemed to relax a little. "I wouldn't see an innocent child executed." And then she seemed to sag, watching the boy sleep. "What harm has he ever done anyone?"

"Uther believes he has magic, and that makes him guilty."

I have magic and that makes me guilty. Merlin felt much like the boy there. Helpless, trapped, small and hiding from something much bigger than himself, something he could never hope to defeat, only evade.

"Uther's wrong."

Merlin started. She was the King's ward and was a noble of Camelot. Did he dare ask? "You believe that?" He dared. He needed to know.

Morgana paused. She was gripping the curtain, hard. "What if magic isn't something you choose?"

I did not choose it! Merlin wanted to scream.

She continued. "What if it chooses you?"

It did choose me! He wanted to cry to the heavens.

He leaned back and stared at her. No one else had ever believed that. Only Gaius had understood that some magic wasn't by choice, and Gaius could only be convinced when he learned of Merlin's talents. Some magic was just part of who you were. And Morgana knew that.

No one's like you, Merlin.

And now? Now that was a lie. He wasn't alone. He stared at her a long time, long enough. He knew that it was too long. But he couldn't take his eyes away. Someone else understood. She  _would_  understand. She looked like acceptance. She looked like sanctuary.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

Merlin blinked. Morgana was frowning hard. Looking at him like he was an idiot.

He probably was for what he was about to do.

Merlin the Idiot.

"Morgana-…" He began, pushing through the fright, forcing the words out. "I've got to tell you something."

"What is it, Merlin?" She crossed her arms.

He hesitated. Looked around. "Uh, have a seat, please?" He moved over to the small table and pulled out a chair for her.

"Must I?"

"Yes." He nodded.

If you're sitting down I may have a better chance at escape, or else you may have a chance to run and tell the guards. But he didn't say that. He definitely did not say that.

She scoffed a little and sighed. "This is ridiculous." But she sat down anyway, folded her hands in her lap, and looked up at him. "Now, what is it?"

Merlin shifted from one foot to the other, standing terrified in front of her and about to wet himself. But he had to try. This was his chance. This was it. He kneeled down on the floor in front of her.

"Merlin!" Morgana exclaimed. "What-

Merlin shushed her. "J-just a moment." He focused and let the parcel of bread and cheese levitate from the table and float beside him and Morgana. He held it there, letting it turn in the air.

Morgana was staring at the levitating parcel of bread and cheese, silent and wide-eyed, but thankfully silent.

Merlin almost smiled. This was going well. He opened his mouth. And he said it. "I have magic, Morgana."

She nodded slowly. She was still silent and still in her seat. Yes, this was going very well.

Morgana leaned forward, wound back, and slapped him. Hard.

* * *

"You seem troubled, Morgana. Is something wrong?"

Morgana set down her second goblet of wine, which was tragically empty again. Her plate of food was untouched. She swallowed. "No, my Lord." Shook her head a little. "I confess I have a small headache." It was not altogether untrue. She had a very large headache, but it was not in her head. It was back in her chambers. "I'm sorry I'm not better company." She apologized. Her heart had been racing for hours now and she had to keep pressing a hand to her chest to keep the organ from bursting out. It rattled within her ribs at an alarming rate. She could not get herself under control. She could not relax.

The King nodded. "I'm merely concerned for your welfare, that's all."

Morgana stood from the table. Her chair clattered on the stone floor when she pushed it back and her head swam a little. Too much wine.

The King frowned up at her. "Morgana-…"

It took her a moment to get her voice to work, opening her mouth before she could get the words to come. "I'm sorry. I must retire." She smiled some kind of smile that she hoped looked innocent and tired. "Terrible headache."

The King let her leave, eventually, but on the condition that she would see Gaius if the headache persisted. Morgana promised him then swept from the chamber. She passed Arthur in the hall on her way but did not stop to chat. She hurried by, hoping that no one could read on her face the thoughts that passed through her mind. It felt like they could. It felt like, somehow, just by looking at her, everyone would know. She rubbed her hand as she walked. It was still sore from earlier and throbbed every so often. Gwen was waiting by her door when she arrived up the small curved staircase.

"Goodness!" The girl exclaimed. She took Morgana's hand and Morgana winced. "Are you unwell, my lady. You look terribly pale."

If anything, I should look a tad flushed from all the wine I've been drinking, Morgana almost grumbled.

But she gave Gwen a small smile. "I am well, Gwen. Just tired and I've a small headache. But I feel like some sleep would do me wonders." She put her hand to the door.

"I'll come in and make up your bed then." Gwen looked a little relieved.

But Morgana was not. Gwen could not come into her chambers, under any circumstances. Absolutely not!

"No, thank you, Gwen. I'll manage." She answered, lamely. What a terrible excuse!

"My lady?" Gwen frowned.

"Ah." Morgana searched through her thoughts. "The bedding is fine. I think I shall just go right to bed. Besides…" Morgana glanced around. "Our guest is sleeping. I would not want to wake him."

"Oh." Gwen smiled and nodded.

But did she look hurt? Morgana was not sure as she tried to peer into Gwen's sweet face in the dim corridor. Oh well. But there was no helping it.

"Well, good night, my lady." Gwen slipped around Morgana and quietly went down the stairs.

Morgana stayed where she was, watching the staircase, hand on the door latch and unmoving. She stood there a long time. She was not sure how long, but long enough to let herself calm down and feel a little safer. She opened the door and slipped inside.

Merlin looked up from where he sat at Morgana's table, hunched over, elbows resting on his knees. But he sat up now, staying in his seat, but watching her as she approached.

Morgana's stomach lurched. Too much wine. She passed Merlin and walked around the curtain that hid the little alcove. Before she could open her mouth and ask about the Druid boy that still slept there, Merlin spoke.

"He's been sleeping." He answered her unspoken question.

Morgana stared at the boy a little longer before moving to her bed and flopping into it. "So…" She spoke into the blankets, then turned her head so that she faced Merlin again. She watched him a moment, sitting there on one of her chairs, as innocent as he could be. He almost smiled at her, smiled through the bruise on his cheek. The nerve! She sighed. "Continue."

"What?" His eyes went wide.

"Continue explaining yourself." Morgana shifted and made herself a little more comfortable on the bed, but still lay there, head spinning. "Tell me everything about…well, everything." She shrugged.

"Uh." He laughed a little and scratched the back of his head. "I should probably go, you know Gaius, he-…"

"I don't care!" Morgana rubbed one of her eyes and noticed that the dull ache of her cramps had not completely gone away yet. Lovely, just lovely. A pain in her belly, slightly drunk, and harboring a Druid and another magic-user! Unbelievable. Such was her luck. "Tell him that you had chores or something, I don't care." She told Merlin. "You're staying here until you tell me everything." She left the 'or else' out, but she hoped she had made it clear to him.

Merlin's little smile faded and he looked back down to the floor again.

Gods! He looked like a kicked puppy. That's not what she had meant to do. "Merlin?" She called to him.

He looked up again.

What else could she say? This was unfathomable. A simple village boy was a user of magic, hiding within Camelot, within the very place he was most in danger. Either he was very smart or very dim-witted. And until she had more proof, she was inclined to believe the latter. Just what had he been thinking when he came here? She tried again. "I have to know. It is important…to me. Please, continue from where you stopped off earlier, before I left for supper."

He sighed. Morgana watched the serving boy closely. He sighed again, scratched the back of his head, again, and worried at his lip. The bruise that laid across his cheek was vaguely hand-shaped. Her mark, plain as day, on his face. Finally, after forever, he began his story again.

"I told you about Ealdor, then the stuff that happened here in Camelot. About Edwin." He glanced up at her. She nodded. He continued. "About Sophia." He whispered.

"I remember." Morgana prompted him and promptly yawned. He was going about this awfully slow. "You were just about to tell me about her. Arthur tried to elope with her and…" Morgana let herself giggle a little. "You hit him over the head and brought him back to Camelot."

"It didn't go that way." Merlin shook his head. His hands were clasped in front of him, staring down at the floor again. "No, she was a Sidhe and needed a sacrifice in order to return to their home."

Morgana sat up. "Wha-…"

"They had been exiled." Merlin frowned and shrugged.

"Mer-…"

He interrupted. "Arthur nearly drowned."

Her dream. Her awful, awful dream!

"My drea-…"

Merlin cut her off again and touched the back of his head. "I still have a bump, you know?"

"My dream!" She fumed. "You knew my dream…well, it happened, or something, and you didn't tell me!?" She had told Merlin and Gaius about the nightmare, hoping they would help, that someone would believe her. And though everything had turned out fine in the end, they had still sat there, and lied to her. Lied right to her face. How many other times had they done that? How many times had she seen what was to come? Her head spun. She felt like she was about to be sick.

He was silent, infuriatingly silent, watching her, his body rigid.

"Merlin." Morgana blinked back tears.

"I wanted to." His voice was soft. "Believe me, I-…I did. But we thought-"

"We?"

"Me and Gaius."

Of course Gaius was a part of this too. Of course! The person that she had gone to for all these years about her nightly troubles, the person who gave her the sleeping draughts, the person she had confided in.

Merlin continued. "We wanted to tell you, but we thought it would put you…in danger. Something like that."

"Danger?" Morgana scoffed and flopped back down on her bed and lay on her side again. "What danger?! You honestly expect me to beli-"

"Yes!" Merlin stood. His hands were fists. Knuckles white. "You can see the future in your dreams, do you have any idea how much danger you would be in if the King found out, if anyone found out?"

"The same goes for you." She countered.

Merlin seemed to wilt a little. "I know. I really do."

Neither of them said anything for a while. The candles were burning low and Morgana's eyes itched for sleep. She mulled over just how quickly her world had changed. Someone she knew and trusted had magic. And so did she. Gods… She had magic and had never known it. What did that make her? What did that make Merlin? Her thoughts strayed to a dark place. A dark place that called the nature of good and evil into question and Morgana did not feel quite awake enough to clear up that issue of morality tonight… Maybe tomorrow?

She sighed. "What can you do?"

"Hmm?" Merlin had sat down again by now. He looked up.

"What kind of magic can you do?"

"Oh…" He thought a moment. "Any kind, I guess."

"Liar." She smirked. "You're bragging."

"Am not." And there was that small Merlin smile again. There it was. "I'm still learning. I don't really know all I can do yet."

Still leaning? That hadn't occurred to Morgana, that magic-users could be 'in-training'. Interesting… "Who is teaching you?"

"No one, not really. I just sort of…figure it out, you know?"

"Mmmm." Morgana nodded and let her eyes close. "So what can you do? What have you learned so far?"

"Well, I can move things, without touching them, of course."

Yes, Morgana had seen that already. "Like with the…thing, earlier?"

"Yeah."

Morgana could hear that sheepish grin with her eyes closed. "How did you learn that?"

"I didn't."

Morgana opened her eyes. "Liar, again."

"No, I'm not." Merlin shook his head, smiling. "I've been able to do that since I can remember. I moved stuff with my mind before I could even talk."

"God's Teeth!" Morgana exclaimed. It was something Gwen said from time to time. "Really?"

"Really." He was grinning from ear to ear. Stood up from the chair, all nervous energy.

Morgana thought back to the floating parcel of bread and cheese and tried to imagine a baby doing it. "That's amazing." It was. It really was.

"Thanks."

The night inched by and neither of them slept, not once, not a wink. They talked and talked. When Morgana finally dropped off, she had seen the touch of grey-blue in the sky that usually heralded the dawn.


	4. Shattered and Hollow

Dawn came. A golden film of sunlight was touching down through cracked curtains and washing over the furniture in Morgana's chambers, spilling onto the stone floor in pools. Merlin was awake for a time, watching the light fill the room, before he fully understood that he was awake. He saw her pale face, half covered by dark tangled hair. Saw the rise and fall of her slow breaths. He breathed in too and let out a long sigh. Felt easier to breathe now, somehow. It felt like something in his chest had fallen into place and it felt so right, the kind of right that left you wondering how you had lived with that kind of wrong for so long. How had he lived?

After a few more minutes of watching the Lady Morgana, asleep on her bed, he soon began to feel the aches and pains that came from falling asleep, sitting up, head on a table. Slowly, and being gentle with his stiff back and limbs, Merlin straightened up. Joints clicked and cracked. His legs were almost asleep. He winced. Touched his cheek. Still sore and a little swollen, the gift from Morgana. He smiled. Smiling hurt. But it was a good kind of hurt.

"Good morning."

Merlin's gaze snapped to the bed. She still lay there, on her side, the only difference was that her eyes were open and she was watching him. "Oh, good morning." He tried to stand and had to try a second try to actually do it. He grunted a little but finally made it. "Sorry. Fell asleep."

Morgana yawned and closed her eyes again. "As did I. Don't apologize."

"Yeah." Merlin stretched his back. "I should…" He pointed to the door.

"Yes." Morgana sat up, hair messy and eyes half-open. "Of course."

"Yeah." Merlin felt the back of his head. His hair was sticking up at a ridiculous angle. Damn.

"Of course." She muttered again, dragging herself from the bed and stumbling a little and grabbing the bed-post for support. "Ahh!" She shook her hand and held it tightly.

"Are you okay?" Merlin walked over.

"Hand hurts." She sighed and held it out to him. "Is it broken?"

"Is it what?" He smiled and took her hand in his. At first glance it looked absolutely fine. He turned it over in his hands, looking closely for anything out of the ordinary. It was a clean, well-manicured hand, pale and soft, fingers long and thin. Nothing was wrong.

Morgana was busy wiping some sleep from her eyes. "It is still sore from yesterday."

"From hitting me?" He grinning. "And you think it is broken?"

"Well, it hasn't stopped hurting yet." She frowned. "I thought there might be some damage done…wait, are you mocking me?" There was a smile, but also a frown. Somehow, Morgana could do that. And she hadn't pulled back her hand yet. Merlin was still holding it.

"Your hand is fine." He patted the soft hand, trying to be gentle when his own thick calluses almost scratched the delicate skin. "How's my cheek?" He bent a little so she could see his face.

Morgana leaned in, looking up into his face. He saw her eyes studying his cheek, the light from the window falling into them and making the green there positively shine. He felt her breath on his neck.

"It is a little purple. Is that bad?" She took her thumb and brushed it lightly. Soft.

"It'll heal." Merlin shrugged.

A quick knock and the door was flung open. They both jumped and turned.

"I'm sorry, my lady, I was late- Oh!" Gwen froze in the doorway.

Merlin dropped Lady Morgana's hand and stepped back quickly. He watched the maid's wide eyes flash from himself to Morgana and back again. Oh no…

Lady Morgana simply stood there and smiled at her maid. "Good morning, Gwen…uh, I'm awake."

"I'm sorry, my lady." Gwen curtsied very quickly and flew out of the door. "I'm sorry!" The door slammed.

"Oh dear." Morgana sighed.

Merlin rubbed his hands a moment, thinking, hard. "Does she…" Something slid into place in his mind, but it was ridiculous. "Oh, no. Does she think…?" He looked to Morgana.

"No." She shook her head, frowning, and trying desperately to tidy her hair. It was a losing battle. "No, she can't possibly-…Could she?"

"No." Merlin shook his head, looking at the closed door again. "She can't-…We're not-…definitely not!"

"Of course!" Morgana had pulled her hair back a little, and was now pacing. "Definitely not." Then she stopped.

"Yeah." Merlin agreed and nodded, not quite sure what he was agreeing to. They both stood there for a minute or so, silent, staring in different directions. Merlin tried to get his thoughts in order. So much had changed in him and he was having a hard time keeping up with it all. He now had Morgana within his secret circle, he hoped. He had told her everything, but he did not know whether he should trust her completely. She was the King's ward after all. But then again, she was hiding a Druid boy in her chambers-

The boy!

"Uh, the- the boy." Merlin tried to fill the silence and walked over to the alcove. "How is he?"

"Yes." Morgana followed him. "Right, yes, of course." She pulled aside the curtain and they both looked the child over. He still very pale, but sleeping calmly. Although, the dark circles beneath his eyes betrayed his condition.

Merlin reached down and touched the boy's forehead. He was burning up, skin hot to the touch. "He's feverish." He told Morgana as a feeling of dread settled into the pit of his stomach.

He had been hoping that the boy would be improving by now. They had given him a place to rest and heal, but he wasn't getting any better. He was getting worse. Merlin felt that he should have known that this would happen. He had spent enough time with Gaius to know by now that wounds will fester and rot if not treated properly. But they had cleaned it. They had wrapped it. And still, the boy was sick, and getting worse.

"He is not getting any better." Morgana whispered. "We need Gaius."

"No. We can't involve Gaius." Merlin sighed and crossed his arms. He had to think of something, and quick. "It's too dangerous. Besides, if he finds out about this, he'll execute me himself." Truth be told, if anyone was in danger here, it was Merlin. The druid boy had Morgana and Merlin to protect him from the laws of Camelot, and Morgana was the ward of the King and sure to be forgiven for most crimes, but there was nothing to protect Merlin from the wrath of Gaius. Merlin shuddered.

Morgana smacked Merlin's shoulder lightly. He started, looked up at the lady.

She gave him this pinched look that he didn't quite understand, while hissing. "Well, we cannot just stand here, looking at him, doing nothing!"

She was right. Sitting here, hoping for a plan, wasn't going to get them a plan.

"Ahm, right, yeah." He nodded. "Sorry, just uh, let me think."

Morgana continued, letting the curtain that hid the alcove fall back into place. "We need to get him out of Camelot, and we cannot do that while he is sick. We need a physician."

Well, Gaius had been trying to teach healing to him and he remembered some of it, perhaps just enough to help the boy. Get him well enough to leave Camelot. It was a worth a try.

"I'll treat him." Merlin offered.

Besides, now that Morgana knew about his… talents, well, Merlin may be able to slip a healing spell in there somewhere.

"Merlin." Morgana put her hands on her hips. "Do you know about to treat an infected wound?"

He wasn't quite sure how to answer her. Every so often, Morgana would do or say something with such a strange smile on her face, or no expression at all, that he couldn't tell if she was serious or not. Like she was playing a game with words and it had never made sense to him. He hadn't quite figured it out yet.

And she was bloody doing it right now. Some strange smile and a quirked eyebrow, like she was halfway between laughing at him or scolding him. And he just didn't know what to expect.

He hesitated. "Not exactly." Merlin spoke slowly, watching her reaction. "But…I'm a fast learner?" He shrugged.

Morgana opened her mouth to reply. She looked angry. There was a knock at the door.

* * *

 

This morning just kept getting better and better. Morgana marched over to her door and gave herself one last glance over. She looked like hell. Her hair was a tangled rat's nest, her dress was wrinkled and she was still wearing the one from the night before. He breath stank. Her lower belly ached from cramping. And her head was killing her. Those knocks on the door had felt like someone was physically rapping on her head. But there was no helping it.

Morgana exhaled then called through the door. "Who is it?"

"Arthur. Open up, would you? Rather important." Came a voice from the other side.

Morgana glanced back at Merlin and pointed at the alcove hidden by the screen and curtain. He frowned at her then shook his head. Morgana rolled her eyes. How could he be so dense?

Morgana pointed to the alcove again, hissing, "In there!"

"Morgana?" Arthur knocked again. "Open up already!"

Merlin slipped behind the curtains, stumbling as he went.

Morgana sighed. "Just a moment!" She struggled to sound cheery as she unlocked the door and shoved it open. Arthur blinked, still standing there with his hand raised to knock, his mouth open. Morgana plastered a smile on her face. "Arthur! To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Arthur walked past her and into the room. "Don't get all excited. It's not a social call. I'm looking for the druid boy. I'm afraid I'm going to have to search your chambers."

When is it ever a social call? Morgana wondered, but replied as smoothly as she could. "You are not searching my chambers."

She saw him sigh and roll his eyes at the guard beside him, who she had somehow not noticed yet. Sneaky fellow. "Don't take it personally." Arthur answered, his professional voice giving way to something a little more conversational. "I have to search the entire castle. It will only take a few minutes." And he stepped past her again.

Morgana glanced back at the curtained alcove. Merlin was watching through the crack in the curtains there. Honestly! Did he not think it was wise to keep himself hidden?

Morgana grit her teeth and followed Arthur as he made his way to her large, carved wardrobe. "I am not having you mess up my things.

"I'm not interested in your things. I'm just looking for any evidence that the druid boy's in the castle." The Prince opened her wardrobe and peered inside.

Morgana's mind raced. How could she take hold of this situation? It was feeling very hand and she was not sure she liked that.

"Perhaps the druid boy is hiding in your chambers." Lead the attention away from herself, yes, that was a good idea. Though this was a terrible way of doing it. "They are usually such a mess, you would never know."

Arthur closed the wardrobe again and moved on, looking back at her briefly. "It's hardly my fault I have such a lazy idiot for a servant."

Yes, he is a lazy idiot. He prefers to hide here and help me conceal an enemy of the kingdom instead of attending to his duties. The lengths he goes to to avoid his chores!

Morgana sighed, watching Arthur prowl around her chamber. "If you can't even find your own servant, what hope do you have of finding the boy?"

"Really, I am touched by the confidence you have in my abilities. And, as much as I'd love to stay and talk," Arthur plucked a candied nut from a bowl on her small table and ate it. "The sooner we get started, the sooner we'll be finished."

He was moving closer and closer to the alcove, working his way around the chamber. Drawn there. Inevitably. She had to say something. Do something. Leave no doubt in his mind. Make it worth his while to stop what he was doing and leave.

Arthur was proud. Morgana spoke. "Well, I'll save you the trouble." He was insecure. The guard there was watching.

Arthur sighed. "Trust me, if I could find him, I would." He stopped examining her mirror by the window and turned to face her. "I don't particularly want to, honestly." He said softly.

What did he mean by that? Morgana froze, her mouth open. The man before her suddenly looked very tired. The dark circles beneath his eyes. His pale skin and unkempt hair. To be fair, they must have looked quite the pair. Neither had slept last night. Both looked like hell.

But Morgana needed him out of here, now. She watched him walk towards the alcove with no small amount of horror. "The druid boy is hiding behind the screen. I'm sure your father would love to know how you wasted your time by rifling through my things." She stepped closer to him and tried her best to smirk a little, so he would know that she wanted to play with him. "Go on." Morgana nodded to the curtains that hid the alcove.

Arthur set his hands on his hips, looking, if possible, even more tired. "So you can have the satisfaction of making me look a fool?"

Verbally, he always played right into her hands. Morgana had always loved wordplay and it had usually gotten her into quite a bit of trouble as a girl. She was too excited to share her witty quip that she did not notice how much it might sting the other person.

She could not resist though. "In my experience, you don't need any help looking like a fool. What are you waiting for? Take a look." She nodded at the alcove again.

"Why don't you go back to brushing your hair, it desperately needs it!" Arthur spat, pointing at her head, then stormed past her and made for the door. "Or whatever it is that you do all day."

Morgana happily watched him go. "Bye, Arthur. Good luck with the search!" The door slammed shut behind him.

"That was-"

Morgana spun around. Merlin was untangling himself from the curtains and not having much luck, stumbling on the cloth that dragged on the floor. Morgana cringed when she heard something softly rip.

"That was-" Merlin spoke, breathless, finally getting himself free from the curtains.

Morgana frowned. "Are you alright?"

"Insane!" Merlin ran a hand through his hair.

"What?"

"You told him where we were hiding! I mean- I don't-"

She had solved the problem. So why was he complaining? "I managed to make him go away. What? You would have preferred to have me meekly stand by and allow him to eventually discover you? I had to do something!" She spat.

Merlin just stood there, opening and closing his mouth a few times. "Well," He spoke softly. "It was-"

"Funny?" Morgana smirked, despite her throbbing head.

"Yeah." Merlin grinned back at her. "Ahm, I should probably go though." He pointed to the door. "Going to go grab a few of Gaius' books, look for some remedies."

"Good luck." Morgana nodded.

Merlin walked to the door, opened it, and slipped out. But just before the door closed behind him, Morgana heard Merlin's voice in the hall, saying: " Oh, hullo Gwen."

And moments later, Morgana heard Gwen's soft knock on the door. "Come in!" Morgana called.

The serving girl entered and quietly closed the door behind her. "Good morning, my lady." Her head was bowed and she was taking care to not look Morgana in the eyes.

Morgana slouched over to her table and sat down at it, laying her head on the cool wood. "Good morning, Gwen. How are you?" A nap would be very nice right about now.

"Oh, I'm just fine." She heard Gwen set the breakfast tray down on the table, next to her head. "How are you…this morning, uh, my lady?"

What was bothering Gwen? She was certainly a little more timid than usual. Morgana sighed and closed her eyes. "Just tired, Gwen. Merlin and I-"

There was a soft cough and a clatter.

Morgana opened her eyes and lifted her head. Gwen had spilled some preserves on the table. Morgana squinted. The girl was also bright pink and her hands were shaking.

"Gwen…" Morgana spoke slowly. "Are you well?"

"My lady, it's none of my business, what you- well…" The girl was trying her best to clean up the mess. "I mean- What I mean to say- It's not my place to know- Well, what you do in your chambers, in your bed-"

Gwen thought… Gwen thought! Morgana raised a hand to her mouth. Good lord, Gwen thought!

"Gwen, no, it's not-"

"It's not my place to speak of it, my lady, but please be discrete-"

"Definitely not!" Morgana took Gwen's wrist. "Merlin and I-"

"Nobility and servants can't-"

"Definitely not!"


	5. Where Have You Been?

Still panting from running, Merlin looked over the spines of the books that Gaius kept jumbled on his bookshelf. Tried to catch his breath and catch a glimpse of something useful. He knew his letters, yes, his mother and Gaius had both made sure of that. But he didn't know these letters so well. Some of Gaius's books on medicine were written in different languages and Merlin had only just begun to understand a few words of each new tongue. Funny words he couldn't quite wrap his tongue around yet.

Merlin tapped the spine of a familiar tome, well-worn and falling apart, so he was gentle as he pulled it off the shelf. He picked a couple of other books that looked helpful too, just to be safe. Balancing the stack, he stumbled back down the little staircase.

He let the books fall on the table with a thump and began to thumb through them. Gaius hadn't been around when he sneaked into the physician's chambers minutes ago. And he hoped it would stay that way. But there was no telling when the old man would be back.

So, Merlin reminded himself, there's a cut and there's a fever. Gaius had said before that the two went hand-in-hand a lot. He said that cuts could cause fevers, but fevers couldn't cause cuts. And both, or either, could kill you. Merlin swallowed hard. The pictures in this book were quite... life-like.

He couldn't possibly do this. The Druid boy needed someone who knew what he was doing. And he, Merlin, did not. He really did not.

Merlin wiped a hand down his face and breathed in. His eyes were still crusty from staying awake into the wee hours this morning. He smiled. Noticed he was smiling, then he frowned again. Had to find something! Some remedy. Something!

He sat down at the table. Across the room was the doorway into his own small room.

His book of magic was in there. The book that Gaius had given him. Merlin tore his eyes away and looked back down at the book he was trying to read. The picture there showed a cut being sewed up with a particular type of stitch. Merlin's heart stuttered.

This was like that time his mother had tried to show him how to sew. Only worse. Much worse.

Maybe.

That lesson had been pretty catastrophic after all.

Looked up at his chamber again. Then back down at the book.

Merlin got up and jogged over to his room, yanked up a loose stone, pulled out his own book, and turned around.

"Ah! Merlin! There you are."

Merlin nearly choked.

"Where have you been? I've been asking about you all morning but no one has seen you." Gaius set his satchel down and closed the heavy door to his chambers. It thudded, cutting off Merlin's escape. "And you didn't attend to the Prince this morning."

Merlin grabbed a cloak from his bed and wrapped the book in it. He then tossed it on the bed and left his room.

Gaius continued talking. "Now, we've talked about this. You cannot just neglect your duties whenever you don't feel like doing them."

Merlin began to clear away the books he had gathered onto the table, closing them, and carrying them back up the little staircase to the bookshelves.

Gaius was unpacking his satchel now, pulling out small jars and bundles of herbs and setting them on the table. "You have a job, Merlin, it is a responsibility. Take my job for instance, if I were to decide I didn't want to be a physician for a day, then people would simply die and-" The old man stopped talking.

Merlin froze in the silence, halfway finished with putting away the books.

"Merlin?"

Merlin bit his lip. "Yes?"

"Just what are you up to?"

He opened and closed his mouth for a moment, thinking. "N-nothing, just a bit of tidying before I head out."

"Nonsense!" And then he heard the old man grumble softly. "You never tidy."

Merlin hopped down the stairs. "Sorry."

Gaius had his back to him while he was unpacking and putting his remedies away. So, Merlin began to tip-toe towards his chamber to grab the book and slip out before Gaius asked too many more questions-

"Where were you last night?"

"Ahm." Merlin stopped, wrapped book in hand. He hid it behind his back.

Gaius turned about. "Merlin?" Merlin watched the old man pull a frown and step closer. Merlin took a step back. "What happened to your face?" The physician gestured to Merlin's still tender cheek.

Merlin touched his face; he had forgotten about the bruise there. It was still sore. "I tripped."

"I can look at it later today, not to worry." The old man nodded at the bruise that Morgana had given him the night before. "But, I need you to pick some heather for me." Gaius put his hands on his hips.

Merlin felt some stirrings of guilt beginning to form in the pit of his stomach. He knew Gaius really did need his help. But the druid boy... Merlin couldn't let himself be distracted. The boy and Morgana were relying on him. He was Gaius's assistant though... "Ahm, can I do it later? I was just going out."

"What do you have behind your back?"

Merlin cringed. He would have to be quick. Very quick. Morgana was expecting him back soon.

"Nothing." Merlin turned and tossed the book through his chambers' doorway and onto his bed. "I can do it later. What do you need?"

Gaius merely crooked an eyebrow. "Well, if you are so willing, there are a few more things I have need of. Other than heather, that is." And the physician began to rattle off a few more herbs to forage for. Merlin sighed.

It was nearly sunset when Merlin brought the basket of herbs back to Gaius, snatched up his book of magic, jammed the thing into a bag, and left Gaius's chambers at a run. He was late, really really late. Merlin clutched a stitch in his side as he ran. He had run all the way back to the castle gates and now he was running again. Could barely catch his breath. He hoped the boy was still... Merlin swallowed hard and made for the little curved staircase that led up to corridor with Morgana's chambers.

He had only made it up a few steps when he heard his name.

"Merlin!"

Not again.

Merlin turned around, gasping, the book in its bag thumping against his back. He couldn't quite get his breathing back in order to answer. So he just nodded. He felt some sweat slide down his back.

"Where have you been?" Prince Arthur was striding towards him.

"Ahm- Well-" Merlin panted between his words and he shrugged to stall a little. To stall and think of a lie. "I was-" Breath. "Out-" Breath. "Had to-"

"I actually don't want to hear it. Follow me." The Prince pushed past Merlin, bumping his shoulder as he went, and jogged up the curved stairs.

Merlin grit his teeth and followed.

Over his shoulder, the Prince called. "Where did you get that bruise? Trip and fall again?"

Merlin sighed.

It was after sunset when he finally finished attending to Prince Arthur and his long list of chores. Merlin dragged himself out the Prince's chambers, let the heavy door shut behind him, and staggered off towards the Lady Morgana's chambers. The corridors were dark. Torches were sparse. Merlin finally made it and knocked on Morgana's chamber door.

A minute or so passed.

Then, on the other side of the door, came a warm and muffled voice. "Yes?"

Merlin leaned on the wall next to the door. "Delivery from the kitchens." He whispered.

The door opened a crack. Morgana's face appeared there in the gap. There must have been a fire in the fireplace, because Merlin could see reddish-gold light bathing one side of her face. It was deep in her eyes.

"Where have you been?" She hissed, looking up and down the corridor.

Merlin sighed. Everyone seemed to be asking him that today. Truth be told, he wasn't quite sure himself. He had spent the night in a lady's chambers, talking of magic and destiny all night long, until the pink of dawn appeared. He had been doing everything, everything he had ever dreamed of. He had been telling his secrets. And yet... And yet, he couldn't tell anyone. No one could know where he had been or what he had been doing. So, he had been doing nothing at all.

"Sorry." Merlin shifted the strap of the bag on his back. The book was heavy enough in the bag that the strap was cutting into his shoulder.

Morgana looked him over a moment longer, eyes glittering, then stepped aside to let him in.

Merlin ducked his head and slid past. The chamber was warm compared to the corridor and he just let that warmth sink in for a moment. Yawned. Set his bag down on a table. Wiped his eyes. His bed was going to feel so comfortable. After today, he'd need all the sleep he could get. Arthur had him draw a bath and run endless buckets up and down stairs, Gaius had him dashing around the meadows and collecting herbs, and Morgana needed him to fix this problem that he had brought to her doorstep. That was right, he had brought this on her. Merlin looked over to the druid boy, only just hidden by a screen across the room.

Morgana was saying something. Merlin blinked slowly.

"Sorry, what?" He frowned. Shook his head.

Morgana was by the druid's side and looked up at Merlin. "Have you not been listening?"

Merlin shook his head again. "No, sorry."

"Honestly, Merlin!" She put her hands to her hips. "Do you even care?"

"Yes, yes! I'm sorry." Merlin pulled the large book from his bag, fingers scrabbling on the rough leather and metal clasps that bound the huge tome. "What did you say?" And he tossed the bag to the side as he strode over to Morgana and the druid boy's bedside.

She gave him a look, a pinched look, eyes narrow and lips thin, but spoke again. "I was saying," She began. "What exactly took you so long? It is nightfall and you've been gone since before noon."

Merlin shrugged and yawned again. "I got caught, by Gaius, and then by Arthur. They had chores for me to do." He sat down on the floor beside the boy and opened the heavy book in his lap. Now, just to look for the right words, the right ritual, and the boy will be saved. The first page dealt with boils, the second with unrequited love, and so on and so forth. This would... Merlin's heart sank. This would take a while.

"Well," Morgana put a hand to the Druid boy's forehead. "You could have told them you were doing some errands for me. That would have absolved you from their nonsense."

Merlin smirked, and answered. "Doubtful." He flipped past a page detailing the correct method to protect a grain house against tiny evil men who may cast curses on the harvest. Strange... Nothing on fevers or wounds yet.

"What is it that you have there?" Morgana crouched down beside him.

Merlin shifted away a little. She was close, very close. But to make up for it, he set the book on the stone floor, pushing it a little closer to her. "Umm, a book. It's a..." It was still hard to do it, to say the words out loud. "It's a book of, ahm, well-"

"A book of magic." Morgana reached out and touched the pages, brushing them with with her fingers, which underneath lay drawings of mythic beasts and tangled words of curses and enchantments. A moment passed. "It is strange." And Morgana drew back her hand. "Strange that I am trying to consider this normal. This... magic."

"Yeah." Merlin smiled and turned the page. The next leaf revealed a recipe for a tasty lamb stew that he and Gaius had tried a few weeks ago. Probably wouldn't heal the druid boy, though it had been quite hearty and filling.

"Where did you get this?"

Merlin thought for a moment. She knew that Gaius knew of her dreams. He could tell her, he supposed. "Gaius." He murmured. "He gave it to me." Turned a couple more pages.

"Is he a- Well, you know?"

"No." Merlin shook his head. "Only me." He looked up at the Lady Morgana, she met his eyes. The fireplace was behind her and the light from the fire within, bending around her, catching the edges of her hair and shoulders, made a fiery glow. "And you, 'cause of your dreams." He added.

She smiled. "I suppose so."

"Welcome to the brotherhood." Merlin drawled, and sighed.

"Sisterhood, now."

"Yeah."

He flipped past the pages that had helped him in healing Gwen's father, Tom, from the illness caused by the Afanc. These wouldn't be of use to him. No use to the boy. Merlin wiped his eyes and yawned again. He needed a spell to heal open wounds and fevers. Did such a spell exist? It had to, right? Right? He felt himself trembling a little as he searched. He had to find something. He just had to.

"Merlin?"

"Hmm?" Merlin grunted.

"Speaking of dreams, I had one about you not long ago."

Merlin looked up from his grimoire of magic. Morgana was sitting cross-legged beside him now, watching him. He shifted a little, so as to face her better. "Umm." He swallowed. "About what?"

"I'm not really sure." She spoke slowly and Merlin hung on each word. But she trailed off.

Merlin prodded her a little. "Was it one of those dreams?"

"It certainly felt like one." Morgana looked down to her dress, the rich fabric puddled in her lap, and played with a bit of embroidery there. "You were there, and there was a name I could hear being called. It was 'Emrys', or something like that. Well, someone was screaming it. And your eyes, they were a different color." A beat. "It was quite frightening."

Merlin slid his hands back, away from the book, and let them rest in his lap. "I'm sorry. I wish you didn't have those dreams." He knew what it was to not understand yourself, your own mind. He knew that loneliness. "But I think you're really strong, since you've survived them this long, you know?"

"Thank you." She glanced up at him and Merlin thought he might have seen tears in her eyes. But she quickly looked down again and away from him. "What do you think it means? Do you know?"

Merlin shook his head. The dream didn't really make sense to him. Screaming and a name? The name 'Em-riss'? It was weird. "I don't know, but we can ask Gaius later. I don't think you should worry about it though." Merlin pulled the large book back into his lap. "We've got to find a cure for him, something for his wound, and his fever."

"Yes, of course." Morgana sniffed a little loudly and sighed.

A couple minutes passed. Merlin was nearly halfway through the book and hadn't seen a good healing spell yet. He spoke again. "How's he been today?"

"Oh," Morgana looked to the boy, who wrapped in blankets and panting softly. "Asleep mostly, in and out. But he burns with fever. And he hasn't spoken a word to me."

He's spoken to me, Merlin reminded himself, but not with his mouth. He recalled the way the Druid boy's voice had first called to him across the castle courtyard. "Strange." He answered.

"Yes, it is a bit."

Merlin turned to the next page. Aha! 'A Spelle for Healing', the title read. Wonderful! Merlin devoured the words. They were unfamiliar and cumbersome, but he would learn them. He would have to. He would use this spell to heal the boy and then find another to fix his fever.

Morgana must have noticed his excitement. "What?" She asked. "What is it?"

"Found it." Merlin spoke breathlessly, a little giddy, a little terrified. "I think I found it."

The lady reached out and held a corner of the book still so she could read as well. Silence, but for only a moment. "And this will help him?" She asked.

"It should fix the cut on his arm." Merlin struggled to get to his feet, one leg numb from the way he had been sitting and his body was sore all over. He stumbled a little.

"And the fever?" Lady Morgana took his elbow and steadied Merlin.

Her hand was warm, but strong.

"Ahm, I've have to find another for that." Merlin shrugged. He set the book on a nearby table, open to the page he needed. Mouthed the words there. They were still strange to him. Curled and furled and rolling off his tongue like ungainly barrels down a ramp, hitting each other on the way out. He would have to straighten it out. Try harder. He kept mouthing the words.

"What are you doing?"

Merlin looked back over his shoulder. "Learning the spell, it's... weird."

"Oh."

He only had a little time though so he had to work fast. He couldn't spend days practicing. He had to learn it, now. Merlin picked up the book again and held it in one hand as he stood over the druid boy. He had to try and he had to try now, before the boy got worse, before the boy died. Merlin bit his lip. He reached down and untied the little bandage that he and Morgana had put there earlier to stem the flow of blood. Pulled it off, tossed it aside. He held his other hand out, hovering over the wound. He hesitated. Swallowed hard. Could he really do this? He had never tried this spell before. And it had taken hours for him to figure out that spell that made things come alive. Hours! Merlin sighed and looked down at the boy. The druid's forehead was damp with sweat and the child panted softly, brow furrowed.

Well, he didn't need to stand here like a clotpole. He needed to say the damn spell already.

Merlin took a deep breath.

"Is everything well?" Morgana asked.

Merlin let out his breath and deflated a little, looking back. "Yeah." He nodded. "Yeah, sorry, just working up to it." His hand fell to his side.

"Oh, sorry." Morgana crossed her arms and took a step or two back.

Merlin turned back around, raised his hand over the wound again, took a deep breath, and-

"Gestepe hole! Thurhhaele!"

He felt the words as he said them, like his whole body was speaking, vibrating with each syllable. The room went quiet and all Merlin could hear was a faint ringing. That faded away soon enough and he heard the crackling of the fire again. He looked down. The wound was still there. Merlin let his hand drop again.

"Did it-..." The Lady Morgana approached again. "Do anything?"

"No." Merlin grumbled. "I'll try again."

He raised his hand again and tried a slightly different pronunciation this time.

"GEstepe hole! THURhhaeLE!"

Again, he felt the words thrumming through his core. They faded away and Merlin was left panting. He looked down. Nothing! Still nothing! No change.

"Maybe-" Morgana began.

"GestePE hole! ThurhHAELe!" Merlin growled the words forth, forcing them.

When his hearing finally came back, Morgana was still speaking. "...-wrong spell?"

Merlin's legs were a little wobbly so he got down on his knees, the cold stone digging in. He let the book fall to the floor with a thump and placed his palm gently over the wound. He should be able to do this. He should be able to heal a simple cut. He opened his mouth.

"Um, Merlin." A hand touched his shoulder.

"GeSTEpe HOLE! Thurhhaele!"

He could feel sweat prickling on his forehead and down his back, despite how much he was shivering. Why was he shivering? It wasn't cold in the room Merlin lifted his hand and looked at the open cut on the druid boy's arm. Nothing. Nothing! He laid his head on the blankets and sighed. A little dizzy. Just a little.

Lady Morgana was talking. Talking about something. Something...

Merlin took a deep breath and raised his head and tried to focus on her words.

A hand on his shoulder, squeezing.

"Merlin? Are you well? You look pale." The lady knelt beside him. "Perhaps you should stop for tonight? Perhaps we should get Gaius."

Merlin shook his head. "I'm fine." He heard himself say. He should be able to do this. It's just a cut. He should be able to do this.

He grabbed the boy's arm again, squeezed.

Opened his mouth. Breathed in.

He should be able to do this.

Felt the words there, on the tip of his being. On the brink. They were there. He just had to let them out. Let them out.

Morgana reached out, gripped his wrist.

"Gestepe hole! Thurhhaele!"

Warmth.

Merlin opened his eyes. Looking at the ceiling. Why was he looking at the ceiling? Why was he on the floor, flat on his back? Morgana looked down at him, smiling something that was almost a grin. She looked like she was holding it back, holding back a big grin. Merlin's head pounded.

"Did it work?" He rasped. What had happened to his voice?

"Yes!"

Merlin reached out towards her. Morgana took his hand and pulled him until he was sitting upright again.

"Not a mark, no scar. It is wonderful." The lady was beaming.

Merlin craned his neck and looked over at the boy's arm. True to her word, the skin was completely healed. As though it had never been slashed open or infected.

Morgana got to her feet, patting Merlin's shoulder. "Are you well? You sort of, well, went boneless at the end and fell over on the floor."

Merlin, still a little fuzzy-headed, didn't remember that so he shrugged. "I'm glad it worked." He said, mouth and throat quite dry. He coughed.

"I'll get you some water." And she and her skirts swirled away.

Merlin leaned on the bed a little, breathing, just breathing. It had worked. It had really worked! He smiled, despite himself. Let himself relax a little. Now all he had to do was-

Thank you, Emrys...

Merlin started, heart racing. The druid boy was watching him through cracked eyelids.

He opened his mouth to answer, but instead, pushed the words out, out into the ether instead. Emrys? Why do you call me that?

The boy closed his eyes, turning his head a little. Among my people, that is your name.

You know who I am? How? The questions burned in Merlin's chest as he sent them. But no answer. The boy gave no answer. How does he know him? How does he know the name Emrys? What the hell is going on?! Merlin reached out and took the druid's small hand, shaking it a little. "Speak to me!" He hissed.

Morgana spoke behind him. "I don't know if he can't speak, or he's just too scared to."

Merlin got to his feet, using the bed as support. "I should go." He mumbled. "Gaius, will be..." He didn't quite know which way was up or down, but he did know he needed to get out of here. Now. "He'll be looking..." He couldn't quite finish his sentence.

"Of course, of course." Morgana set down the jug of water on the table. "Are you sure you don't need to sit down. Are you ill?"

Merlin shook his head and made for the door.

Emrys.

Who was Emrys?

"Be back in the morning." He rasped and put his hand on the latch of the door.

"Wait, Merlin."

"I'll be back." And he closed the door behind him. The air of corridor outside Morgana's chambers was a little cooler and Merlin took a deep, shaky, shuddering breath, then started walking.

His steps trailed down, down. Only the torches that hung on the walls in brackets, sparse and spitting, lit the dark halls. Merlin let himself be drawn downwards, down into the earth. He took a torch as he descended. Soon enough, the familiar tunnel opened up and all he could see beyond was darkness. A large mouth, gaping wide. Black within. He hesitated, turned around to go back the way he came, then turned around again and plunged into the darkness. The torch flickering and sputtering before him, Merlin entered. A rush of air met him, cool and damp. A faraway dripping could be heard.

"Hello?" Merlin called out into the darkness.

Nothing. He waited a little longer. Still nothing.

Merlin stepped forward, looking around, staring hard into the darkness. Maybe this was all for nothing. Maybe he should-

An earsplitting roar.

He stumbled back. Heard the thrum of wings, beating. The chain, rattling.

Merlin pressed his hand to his chest and felt his heart racing. "Do you have to do that? You scared the life out out of me."

The outcropping of rock that he stood on shuddered only slightly as the beast landed and dug its talons into the stone. It spoke, and the air vibrated.

"The young warlock." It pronounced. "No doubt you are here about the Druid boy."

Merlin swallowed. "How did you know?" His neck hurt a little, looking straight up at the great beast.

"Like you, I hear him speak." Kilgharrah's eyes stared straight through Merlin.

Before he could lead into it, before it could stop himself, Merlin's questions and fears spilled from his mouth. "Why does he call me 'Emrys'?" Morgana had already planted that name in his head. So hearing it from the Druid boy too had scared him. But maybe the boy had overheard them talking. Maybe he was just confused. Maybe-

"Because that is your name."

The words rumbled through him. And Merlin knew it was true. There was some kind of... feeling, about the name, the way it tasted in the air or the way it fit in his thoughts like the missing piece of a broken clay pot. Fit just right. Fit so well that all the spiderweb cracks of his self just melted away.

But Merlin still shook his head, answering. "I'm pretty sure my name's Merlin, always has been." He bit his lip, hard.

The beast's pebbled skin shone in the light of the hissing torch and the rest of the dragon's curled body disappeared into the pitch darkness of the cave. The eyes were large, golden, and almost painful to look at. They examined him a moment, the head tilted slightly, and the beast answered.

"You have many names."

"Do I?" Who has more than one name? Merlin frowned a moment, then continued. "How does this boy know who I am? I've never even met any Druids!" His words echoed out into the large cavern.

"There is much written about you that you have yet to read. You should not protect this boy."

Merlin sighed. Too late.

He had helped the boy escape the guards. He had hid the boy in the castle. And he had just healed the wound on the boy's arm.

All he had done so far was protect this boy.

"Why?" He shrugged. "He has magic." The boy had spoke to him, without speaking. "He's just like me."

"You and the boy are as different as day and night." The light of Merlin's torch caught the dragon's large, sharp teeth as it spoke, glistening.

Which one am I, I wonder? Day or night? Merlin leaned forward. "What do you mean?"

The beast lifted its wings, stretched them, and brought them down with a force. A rush of cool air flowed over Merlin. "Heed my words, Merlin!" The dragon slithered into the air and disappeared from the small glow of the torch.

"Why should I not protect him!"

He got not answer.

Merlin waited a little longer, then turned about and climbed out of the bowels of the castle. Steps quiet, he padded through the dark corridors until he finally got back to the physician's chambers. He closed the wooden door behind him as quietly as he could. Maybe now he could get some sleep. If he could sleep. But his bed was sounded like a very good idea right now. He felt the weight in his limbs and the soreness of his joints. Merlin rubbed his eyes and began to tiptoe to his little room. Made it across the chamber. Opened his door.

"Where have you been?" He heard Gaius's voice behind him.

Merlin sighed and hung his head.


	6. Night Errand

"Are you a complete idiot?"

And the look of surprise on his face told her that he most certainly was.

Morgana took the blanket from Merlin's hands and began folding it correctly. "You know, I thought you were just a half-wit, but now I know the truth." And she pushed the folded blanket his chest. He caught it. "You are a 'no-wit'." Morgana walked away. Breath in, breath out. She leaned on her bedframe, watching him.

"I-..." And he set the blanket with the satchel they had been packing. "I don't understand."

"Oh really?" She set her hands on her hips. He really was clueless. "It's too dangerous for you."

He opened his mouth, closed it again, then looked down to the ground. "I'm the one who brought him here. This isn't your respon-"

"Responsibility?" Morgana interrupted. He really wasn't saying anything of worth. "Yes, well, I outrank you. Ward of the King," And she pointed to herself. "Lowly servant." Then pointed to Merlin. "So, he is my responsibility. Besides, what would happen if you were caught?"

He didn't open his mouth to answer this time. His lips were a thin, white line and he folded his arms. Good. He knew it was a rhetorical question after all.

"You would be executed. That is what would happen. And so would the boy."

Morgana watched Merlin's eyes flicker to the druid boy who lay in the alcove still, but awake and eating breakfast hungrily. He was propped up with Morgana's entire supply of down blankets for winter. Her heart had soared that dawn when she found that his fever had broken. Merlin's spell really had worked. She would have to learn it…

She caught herself in that thought. Her? Learning magic? Every time she considered it some, strange floaty sensation overtook her. It was now a thing she could do. It was a thing she could always do. That was a comforting thought. Somehow.

Morgana walked forward and picked up the heavy satchel that Merlin had brought with him that morning. It was loaded with supplies for a journey. A journey to the druids. And she set the bag on her bed. Away from him.

"The stakes are much less higher if I am caught." Morgana finished. "I will smuggle him out of the castle."

"I can't let you do this."

"And what are you going to do to stop me?"

Merlin walked over to her little table and sat down. "I don't know." He ran a hand through his black hair. "I'm not going to fight you."

She felt herself frown and think over these words. Were they fighting? This was just a conversation. "Then it is settled." She would have to tell Gwen what was happening. Poor girl. She might not take it well. Morgana's memory of Gwen's imprisonment for witchcraft some months ago grazed by. She let it pass, wincing. Gwen would just have to understand. "I will leave tonight after-"

"No."

"I will, and you cannot-"

"Morgana-"  
"The boy is-"

"Stop!"

Morgana's teeth clicked shut. Merlin held his head in his hands. Shuddering. She had a sudden flashback to her dream from a few nights ago.

"Would you just listen?" He looked up, eyes red rimmed, dark bags under his eyes. "For a moment?"

She took a deep breath and nodded. Whatever he was about to say did not matter. If he was executed, she would be losing the only person that knew her. Their eyes met. He knew the real her. She would not risk that. It simply did not make sense to risk it.

Morgana nodded.

A breath. She watched him breathe. Wipe his eyes. Another breath.

He looked straight at her and cleared his throat. "The boy, he called me 'Emrys'."

Emrys? That was...

He continued. "It's the name you heard in your dream about me, Morgana. The boy knows it."

It was strange. But it did not really mean anything. "Maybe he overheard us talking. We were discussing the dream right next to him." Morgana shrugged.

"No, I think he knows it. And I want to know why."

She shook her head. "You cannot go. It's not safe."

"It's not safe for you either!" He bit back. "You don't understand. I haven't been safe for my entire life!" A shuddering breath. "I know what that feels like. You don't."

Morgana felt as though she had been slapped. She opened her mouth but no words would come. She tried again. Nothing. For the first time, she did not have a retort.

A pause. One that gaped between them. She could practically taste it.

Merlin finally spoke again, relieving the silence. "I want to take him so I can ask the druids about that name. I need to know. I think it's…" He trailed off a moment, scratching his head. "I think it's about me."

"Merlin…" She started, but did not know what to say.

Morgana sighed and looked away, away to the floor, the window, the druid boy in her blankets. Anywhere, but Merlin's face. He was crying. She was not sure how to go about giving him some privacy. So she just turned away. Despite what he wanted, it was still idiotic. If he was caught… Her heart's fibers twisted painfully again. No, do not think about it again. The gleam of an axe. A deep, thick, swish through the air.

But he was still trying to understand himself. Like her. Morgana slowly rubbed her hand; it was still vaguely sore from when she had slapped him the other night. She was still trying to understand. So together, they would make sure he found his answers. Together, they would not let Merlin get caught. If he did… Best not to think about it.

"Okay." Morgana turned back to him. "But we work together."  
"What?" Merlin looked up, sniffing. He had been staring at the floor. Silent and still.

"You are right, you should go. But I will help you."

"Are you-"  
She stopped him, picking up the satchel she had taken and setting it on the table before him. "No arguments. I want to help. But, I will stay here."

Merlin nodded again, silently.

"Merlin?" And she sat down in a chair beside him. "What is your plan?" And when he looked up, she smiled at him.

He tried to smile too, but it was more of a grimace. But, at least he tried.

"There's a secret door in the armoury. It leads to the Lower Town. I can take him out that way."

Morgana nodded and took a deep breath. It did not sound like terrible plan so far. Merlin probably knew more about the ins and outs of Camelot than she did. Strange. Since she had lived her longer than he did. "I understand. What can I do? To help?"

Merlin furrowed his brow and seemed to think for a moment. "Well, I need the key to that door. And a cover story."

"I can do both."

"Actually-"  
"Where do I get the key?" Morgana asked.

"Umm, well…Arthur."

"What?"  
"Arthur has it."

Morgana snorted. "Just our luck." Merlin smiled at this. "Leave it to me. I know how to slip it off of him."

"You sure?" His grin as he asked this told her he was only teasing.

"Oh yes." She twirled her finger in the air, to demonstrate. "I will run rings around him."

"Okay." He looked back down to his lap, still smiling. He looked a little cheered up. That was good. "Okay, well, I need a cover story too."

"Hmm." Morgana rested her chin in her hand, thinking. What was normal for Merlin to go do? Something that might take him away from the castle for a day or so?

"Gaius sends me out for a day or two, sometimes, to collect herbs and flowers and stuff." Merlin offered.

"That's perfect! You could go on an errand for me."

"What should I collect?"  
Morgana's thoughts slid to a stop. What might she want from the forest. "Oh." And she frowned.

"Some flowers?" Merlin got up and walked over to the druid boy, sitting down beside the alcove with him.

"And all ladies want flowers?" Morgana sighed and leaned back in her chair. Did she want flowers. Did she like flowers?

"Flowers are pretty."

When Morgana looked over at Merlin and the boy again, they were playing some strange hand game. Something the village children played. It looked akin to pattycake, a game she had used to play as a little child. And Merlin was teaching it to the boy. He looked back at her, shrugging. "Doesn't everyone like flowers?"

"I'm not sure."  
"It would have to be a wildflower." Merlin turned back to the hand game he was playing. "Something that grows naturally, and far enough in the forest to explain why I'm gone for a while."

A hot and sour thought occurred to her. How long would he be gone? Would he even come back? What if… What if…

"And how long do you think it will take? Until you get back, I mean?" She asked, standing up again.

"Oh, I'm not sure." His back was to her as he and the boy clapped hands.

The boy was giggling when he made a mistake, giggling as Merlin corrected him.

Morgana watched them for a moment more, then began to pace. "A week?"

"No…" The clapping stopped. "Not that long. Why-"  
"Do you think you will stay?"

"Stay where?" She heard him get to his feet. "Morgana-"

And the sour thought bubbled from her lips. "Would you come back for me? If you decided to stay with them?"

"Them? You mean the druids?" He was frowning. He was confused. Or playing at it.

"Yes!" Morgana pointed to her window, roughly in the direction of the forest. "They may know something about- about your...abilities. What if they want you to stay with them? What if you might be happier with them?" Her words were fast and strong and she could not stop them. They sounded angry after she had said them. Was she angry? Morgana took a breath. "I want to help you. And I will. I want to help him." She pointed to the druid boy. "But, I… I don't want to be left here, Merlin. If you go, I go." She shrugged. "I'm ready."

Her whole world had changed. She wanted to change with it too.

He watched her a moment. "I understand." And something flitted across his features, a frown, a smile, a little laugh. "Morgana, if you wanted to go, if I wanted to go- Yeah, of course." That little laugh again. "I can't tell you what to do. But, yeah, I'd help you leave Camelot, if you wanted to."

Something in her belly relaxed. She had not realized how tense she had been. "Right." She nodded. She was not sure what she had been expecting, but it was not that. He just said 'Yes'? He was not arguing with her?

"Bluebells!" Merlin cried.

What?

Perhaps he had gone insane. Morgana put her hands to her hips. "Merlin, what-"

"I forgot, I completely forgot." He ran a hand through his hair, brushing the bangs back. His forehead was white. Pure white. The rest of his face was tan. That was the price you had to pay for bangs over your forehead. Morgana stifled a laugh and averted her eyes from the tanline on his face.

Merlin kept talking. "The bluebells, they should be blooming all over the forest right now. They only grow deep in the forest. Carpets of 'em!" He seemed to grin in pride. "I'll go fetch you bluebells and it'll take me a few days. It's the perfect story!"

Morgana felt herself getting swept up in his excitement. "I am glad you thought of something. So…" She thought back to their plan. "I shall get the keys. Where will I meet you?"

He was quiet for only a moment. "In the armoury." He paused. "Tonight."

Morgana nodded

Merlin continued. "I'll bring the rest of the supplies, you bring the key and our… ahm, friend. That should be it. I think." And unsaid, the words "I hope" hung in the air between them.

"I'll be there." Morgana smirked.

Hours passed. She paced and paced her room a hundred times over. The druid boy watched her with big, blue, wet eyes. Slipping the key off of Arthur was simple enough. She had done it many times before when they were just children. She would pickpocket him and wait until he figured it out. Then he would run to his father and tattle on her. All she had to do was give the trinket back. And she usually had. Besides, it was only the 'taking' that was fun, not the object itself.

Once she had the key in her hand, her heart started pounding and would not stop. It thudded as she dressed the druid boy in his grey-green cloak. Racing as though she were running as they crept down the corridors of the castle. When they slipped into the armoury, closing the door silently behind, she was frightened that her pounding heart would give them away. Frightened that someone could hear her fright. Merlin was not there. Not yet.

But Merlin would be there soon.

She and the boy waited in the armoury. Seconds ticked by. Morgana could not calm herself. Digging into her fingernails into her palm, she paced as quietly as she could. Waiting. And waiting.

Minutes passed. Where was he?

The druid boy tugged on her cloak and Morgana took his hand in hers. They waited in the dark. His hand was so small. She could hear footsteps down the corridor outside. Growing louder.

The boy squeezed her hand, hard.

Morgana squeezed back.

The footsteps stopped in front of the armoury door.

Morgana backed away, looking for somewhere to hide. A table? A closet? Nothing! She tripped and knocked over a shield. It thumped to the floor.

She frozed, panting.

"Is anyone in there?" A deep male voice. A guard!

Morgana clasped a hand over her mouth. She could feel the boy shaking beside her. The door began to creak open.

* * *

Merlin wiped his eyes and dug his fingers into his hair. Gaius would be home soon.

This wasn't going to work.

A sob escaped him. He shuddered with it. Pulled his knees to his chest and began to cry.

This wasn't going to work.

_You and the boy are as different as night and day._

He had been lying to himself.

_You would be executed. That is what would happen. And so would the boy._

The voices of the Lady Morgana and the beast in the dungeons raked through his ears, blending into one.

_No one is like you, Merlin._

He should be there by now. He should be in the armoury. He should be with the Lady Morgana. He should be helping the druid boy. But he was here, slumped on the floor, useless, weeping. It was past time. She would be wondering where he was. But try as he might, he couldn't stop crying and he couldn't get off the floor.

Merlin wrapped his arms around his knees and tried to draw a breath.

He was going to help a druid escape Camelot. If he was caught, he was sure to be executed. What would Gaius think? What would his mother think? But he had to know. He had to know what the name meant. Both Morgana and the druid boy spoke it. And the dragon. Everyone seemed to know him by this name except himself. He had to know what that meant. The druids would surely know. And maybe… Maybe things would make more sense after that? If he survived.

Merlin tried to control his breathing. In and out. But his breaths were too fast. Too little. The room seemed to spin a little. His lips tingled.

And Morgana knew that he had magic. She knew him now. And she knew about herself. Was that the right thing to do? What had he done? Had he undone everything?

He couldn't breathe.

"Emrys!"

The voice struck into him, into the deep parts, and took hold of his heart. He felt as though he had been slapped. Looked up, instinctively. Of course, there was no one there. It was the boy, calling out to him again.

Merlin swallowed hard and let his head fall to his arms again, curled into himself on the floor.

"Emrys, where are you?! Please!"

Merlin screwed his eyes shut against the screams.

"Someone is coming!"

He clapped his hands over his ears. Why didn't he move? Why wasn't he there?

"I'm scared, Emrys!"

So am I, Merlin realized.

"They will kill me, please. Don't do this!"

Merlin felt that he was was shaking. The voice filled everything. He could almost taste it.

"I thought you were my friend!"

Morgana's face swam before his eyes. The Lady Morgana. The one person who really knew who he was. The one person he had met who really understood. Why would he lose that? Why wouldn't he fight for it?

"Emrys!"

A rushing. The room spun. Like a stream of hot water, he felt the magic flow through him, flowing out to every limb. A pulse. He felt the heat behind his eyes. Then nothing. Gone, as quickly as it came. His body grew quiet. Merlin realized he was standing.

The voice had fallen silent. He had to go.

Right.

He had to go, now!

He grabbed the satchel that he had packed, a few more bits and bobs, and made for the door. Gaius was just coming in, closing the chamber door behind him.

"Merlin? Where are you off to at this hour?" The old man set down his own bag.

Merlin brushed past, opening the door again, arms full and stumbling. "Off on an errand. May be gone for a few days."

"An errand?" Gaius's back was turned as he poked the fire that crackled softly in the fireplace. "A few- Why not leave in the morning?"

Merlin strode back and wrapped his arms around the old man. One last hug. "Last minute, you know. I'm off to pick bluebells for Lady Morgana." And he rushed out of the door.

Before he heard the door thump closed, Merlin could hear Gaius softly repeat: "Bluebells?"

And Merlin was racing down the dark corridors of the castle. Hopefully, he wasn't too late. Hopefully-

He skidded around a corner, spotting a guard just in time. He waited until the guard passed then continued towards the armoury. He tried the door. Locked. Strange. He heard another guard talking somewhere. With all the echoes from corridor to corridor, it was difficult to tell. But Merlin did not want to be spotted. He tried the door again. Definitely still locked.

Merlin softly knocked. "My lady?"

Nothing.

He tried again. The voices were growing louder. He could hear footsteps now.

"Lady Morgana?" He whispered.

Merlin heard the heavy bolt on the door shift and the door slowly opened a crack. The Lady Morgana's face was half in darkness, half in the light of a nearby torch. "Merlin?"

"Let me in."  
The door creaked open a little more and Merlin slid inside.

The Lady Morgana and the boy stared at him.

The Lady spoke first, hissing. "Where were you?"

Merlin looked to the floor and made his way to the little door at the far side of the armoury. "I got held up. I'm sorry." He pulled a few shields aside as quietly as he could, revealing the little door set into the rough stone wall.

"I am not so sure- Something very strange-... I do not know…" She seemed frightened.

Merlin turned back around and saw that the Lady was wringing her hands. "What?" He asked.

"I do not know what happened but all of a sudden the door locked us in. All by itself!"

Merlin frowned. "How?"  
"I told you, I do not know!" The Lady threw up her hands. "It just happened. One moment, a guard was about to open the door, and the next it locked itself. He is gone, but not for long. I think…" And she leaned in close. "I could hear them speaking. Other doors locked themselves too, all throughout the castle. I do not like it. Something strange is happening."

Had he done that? Merlin noticed the that the druid boy was staring up at him and had been since he got there. He avoided the boy's eyes and looked away, anywhere, but there. "The key?" He whispered.

The Lady reached into her cloak and produced a little metal key. "It is how you described it. Down to the little notches on the stem."

Merlin took it. "Thank you, my Lady."

"Morgana."  
"Hmm?"  
"You can call me 'Morgana', you know. I do not mind." And in the dim light, he could see that she was smiling.

Merlin tried smiling back but it was difficult. "Thank you." He nodded and went to the door. Unlocked it as quietly as he could, and opened it. The tunnel yawned before them. Merlin swallowed hard.

"You have enough food?" The Lady asked.

Merlin held out his hand to the boy, to help him into the tunnel. The druid hesitated. Then took it. "Yes." He answered Morgana, boosting the boy into the tunnel. He slung the satchel over his shoulder. "We should have enough for a few days."  
"Are you sure? I could have Gwen-"

They had already had this conversation. Merlin had make sure not to involve Gwen. She had spent enough time in the dungeons, after all. She didn't need to again. Merlin shook his head. "I have enough. Thank you." He held out his hand to Morgana, for her to shake.

She took it, and gripped it hard. "Good luck." Morgana whispered.

"Yeah, I need luck to pick all those bluebells." Merlin grinned.

A small smile. "If you happen to find any, bring back some."

"It's why I'm leaving, after all." And he slipped into the dark of the tunnel.

He heard Morgana close the door behind him and the boy. And they were off. Merlin stumbling after the boy. And the journey seemed to take forever.

He felt the blood leave his face when the warning bells began to ring.

The boy stopped and turned back, Merlin could feel him looking to Merlin for help. Merlin gripped the boy's shoulder and guided him forward. "Just-...Just a bit further." He was breathless himself. The darkness was stifling. "Just a bit further. It's okay. It's okay." He whispered.

The emerged in the Lower Town to the smell of livestock and the light of the moon for guidance. Bright and stark, and revealing. Merlin helped the boy stay in the shadows and they slid closer and closer to the city gate.

"It's going to be okay." Merlin whispered. "It's going-"  
He heard shouts behind them.

The clank of armor. And weapons. Guards.

Merlin turned back, pushing the druid boy into a run as he did so. Torches bobbed their way through the Lower Town. Down towards the city gate. Towards them!

"Run!" Merlin hissed, taking the boy's hand in his.

The druid's grip was strong.

And they ran.

They ran, and they ran. Merlin dashed through the maze of the city streets, down alleys and up muddy roads. The voices got closer and closer.

At this point, he was looking for somewhere to hide. Sweat poured down his back and he was shivering. Was he cold? Was he hot? He couldn't catch his breath. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe.

Merlin turned the corner and saw his end.

He stumbled to a halt before the guard even ordered him to halt.

He didn't let go of the boy's hand.

A pressure in his back. A sword tip!

"Halt, or I'll run you through. Show yourself."

That voice. Merlin closed his eyes and swallowed.

_There's no one like you, Merlin._

_I thought you were my friend!_

He let go of the boy's hand.

RUN! Merlin screamed the word in his head, in his thoughts, to the boy. The Druid left his side.

A spell. A spell for distraction. Something big. Something loud. Something bright.

A fireball.

He called it to him, called the flames. Something bright and fiery. Called the noise to his hand. Something harmless. Something distracting. Something for an escape. He whispered the words for the spell. Under his breath. Hot breath. Hot flames. Loud. An explosion. Ringing ears.

Merlin's vision cleared. Lying on the ground. Clothes singed. The guards had recoiled. And the boy. Looked around. Slowly, the sound of retreating footsteps reached him. Merlin saw the boy turn a corner, disappearing. Merlin shook his head. His ears still rung.

A sword point was pressed to his neck. Cold. The Prince stared down at him, mouth agape. "Merlin?"

Merlin closed his eyes and lay back onto the cobblestones. His ears ringing.

Faintly, he heard in the distance, perhaps only a street over. "We caught the boy, Sire!"


End file.
